Page 26 - Vol. VI #9

dAnielle dunAgAn
Ionly had to to to to last another month in in in my my my small Iowa town where people tried to to to know every- thing about about about you No one one actually knew knew much about about about me but they knew knew plenty about about about my my mother The day after after I I I I I I graduated high school after after pack- ing ing boxes of journals and and and stuffed animals nearly as as as as as old as as as as as I I I I I I was was was we would be be be gone That was was was our our plan I I I I I I wanted wanted to to be be be away away from from here I I I I I I wanted wanted to to be be be far away away from from her her her her her From my mother My Mother’s Laughter: a a a a a a a a a a Memoir
Brandie wrapped her her her her her her arm around me me me me and and and and and I I I I felt her her her her her her hand ghost over the the the the the spot she knew was was was ticklish She She slid herself under the the the the the comforter pulled me me me me closer close close enough for for our noses to just meet We kissed She She tasted of of of the the the the morning and and and and and of of of me me me me Light leaked through the the the the thick red-and-gold paisley cur- tain turning her her her fair skin different shades of of of red red “Yes we we can can ” ” ” I I said only loud enough for for Brandie Brandie to to hear She laughed and and and and swatted my hands away when I I I tried to to to wrap the the the comforter tighter around us I I traced indiscriminate shapes across her her her arm “Why do you have to to to go?”
“Danielle! Brandie!” My mother’s voice voice grew louder “Please! I I have a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a surprise for for you!” There was a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a timbre to to to her her her voice voice voice a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a wobbly lilt that had had become all all too familiar One more broken stum- bling and and and cracked than the the the the the the smooth and and and gentle voice voice from my my childhood Maybe she had had just been better better at at at at at hiding it it back back then back back when I’d walked the the the the the the the the halls of of that place my my father told me me was helping her her her her to to get better better Where Where the the the the the the the the the rooms were warm and and and friendly with crosses and and and posters of of of of the the the the the the the the Twelve Steps decorating the the the the the the the the wood-paneled walls Where Where the the the the the the the smiling people looked genuine in in the the the eyes of of a a a a a a a a a a a child She laughed a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a little “We’ve talked about this babe ” ” ” Now she spoke into into the the mess of of my my my hair her her her her tone could shift so so so quickly “I haven’t been been home since I I I moved here and and and Easter has always been been a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a big deal with my my family ” ” had traced all of of of of of them at at one point or or or another but the the the the the the art that covered her her entire left forearm was my favorite: a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a real place a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a permanent photo—the pinks and and and yellows and and and reds of of of of of of of a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a sunset the the the the the the the out- lines of of of of of of of a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a dock of of of of of of of leaves and and and of of of of of of of the the the the the the the red red red reflective tides of of a a a a a a a a a a a lake “Sweeties! Get out out of of of of of of bed! You can’t stay in in in there all day!”
I I I I buried my my my head into into her her her shirt inhaling the the soft soft scent of of of Snuggle fabric softener delicate and and and and and refreshing and and and and and and safe We’d been been in in in in in in in in bed for for hours and and and and and it it was probably already late morning My comforter smelled of of of of sweat and and and and and sex but I I I I pulled it it up over our heads anyway “Come on on on it it it won’t be be that bad ” Brandie’s own voice always landed somewhere between a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a soft mumble and and and and and a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a boisterous cackle It was was never never fixed never never constant Even now it it it was was husky and and and and and rough from the the the morning as as as she whispered in my my ear “Brandie when are you going to come back?”
“Tuesday Maybe Wednesday I’m not sure yet It It really depends on on how things go go with with with my my mom ” ” She She shoved the the the the comforter off us us us and and and jumped out of of bed She She switched on on the the the light It It was only a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a couple of days but I I I I I I I had spent every day day day day with with with her her her her her her since she moved away from from her her her her her her fam- ily and and in in in in in in with with with me me and and my my my own mother I I I I I I loved loved loved coming home from from school to to to her her her her her her her I I I I I loved loved loved running my my fingers through her her her her her her her blonde hair I I I I I I loved loved loved tracing the the tattoos tattoos on on on her her her her her her her arms late at at at at night when no one else was awake They were beautiful her her her her her tattoos tattoos I I I I I I I shut my my my eyes 17
I I I I huffed as as I I I I slid on on on my my my my glasses and and threw on on on one of of my my my many oversized hoodies and and a a a a a a a a pair of shorts “Get up my my my my little vampire It’s time to go meet the the the world ”