Page 36 - WTP Vol.VI#6

lynn CaSteel harper
The Shut Door
Sylvia entered my office and shut the the the door door As the the chaplain at a a a a retirement community I’d grown accustomed to to to the closed door to to to discuss- ing ing life death doubt suffering in in in hushed tones She She sat in in the chair directly in in front of my desk She appeared composed—not a a a a dyed red red hair out of place—and deadly serious I had known Sylvia a a a longtime resident only from a a a distance I spent most of my days with the the the sick and and and frail and and and Sylvia was was neither She was was among the the “young old” and had had recently published a a a book on romantic love among older adults Perhaps she had trekked to my office in a remote corner of of the community be- cause she had had received a a a a a diagnosis or
her her partner Samuel had fallen ill or
one of her children was in crisis A Rolodex of tragic conclusions is is is never far from a a a chaplain’s thoughts Sylvia did not mince words: “I need your help ” My heart sank as the Rolodex of afflictions flipped faster She continued: “I want to reach a a a a a larger audience with my book I want young people to know that there is love when they get old I need help using social media ” She had heard about about these platforms but felt tentative about properly employing them This was not the the personal crisis I I I had expected but I I I was not entirely relieved I I I sensed she felt a a grave responsibility I confessed to her that my knowledge of social media was was limited (even though it it it was was 2010 I I was not on Facebook or
Twitter I didn’t even have internet access at my home) but she could not be dissuaded I heard myself list the standard- issue knowledge of my my generation: send out speaking engagements and and and information about her book book over e-mail and and on Facebook and and start “friending” lots of people She hesitated shifted uncomfortably leaned forward lowered her voice and said “But what if people aren’t interested? I don’t want to impose on on them ” She voiced sus- picion about making people her her “friends” (air quotes) who weren’t really her friends (dropping
air quotes) She She worried about the implications of such undiscerning self-promotion She consid- ered the the the possibility that the the the content and and concerns of her her her life might encroach on on others others and con- versely she did not wish for others to to relate to to her so indiscriminately In a a a word she valued modesty but to play best by the rules of social media reticence must recede To broadcast one’s interests life details personal opinions and intimate feelings requires minimiz- ing ing one’s consideration for those who receive the airing unwanted Collateral damage is to be expected and and ignored The quaintness of Sylvia’s concerns (and the the fact I can so condescendingly describe them as “quaint”) strikes a a a chord of cultural loss reticence increasingly has become
a a a a a liability in these social spaces In most substan- tive relationships we care about about appealing to one another’s interests we we care about what we we share and what what we do not We feel obliged to respond to what friends share with us If a a a friend friend tells me about a a a book she wrote I rightly feel obligated to buy it No wonder Sylvia squirmed at the thought of of new new media: it it meant a a a new new constitution of of relationship one in which the parties are con- fused about about obligation She cared about about balancing disclosure with with withholding I hesitated shifted uncomfortably leaned forward—but could make no response We are “flat-out drowning in in privacy ” Jonathan Franzen declared in in in a a a a 1998 essay in in in The New Yorker We inhabit private worlds on our cell phones while we we are in public we we don’t know our neighbors large suburban homes grant inhabit- ants their their own own rooms rooms and their their own own bathrooms Confused about public and private spaces Ameri- cans are increasingly unable to discern the the the differ- ence between the the bedroom and the the boardroom Franzen lamented that reticence had become
an an “obsolete virtue ” “People now readily name their diseases rents antidepressants Sexual histories
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