Page 38 - WTP Vol.VI#6

The Shut Door (continued from preceding page) quences for transgressions of these tenets (im-
peachment which I must have thought meant “expulsion”) Combing through our minutes which Brooke meticulously kept I could discern no no secrets—no things that even appeared wor- thy of secrecy We collected dues—twenty-five cents each—that we designated as our “trip fund ” At our first meeting we proposed form- ing ing ing a a a summer play group planning community service activities and walking home from school on on Earth Day 1993 The confidential idea we generated in in our second meeting was organiz- ing ing ing a a neighborhood recycle day In this meeting meeting we also made up a a a secret code We encrypted key words we considered vital to to the club club into
a a series of icons: SAS meeting club house and money The minutes indicate that the the the symbols were approved If others knew about the the the exis- tence of the club or its contents it it is unclear what what this information would garner them or or how they might sabotage sabotage us or what sabotage sabotage would even mean Nevertheless border-control was a a a clear priority I uncovered an entire single-spaced typed docu- ment dedicated to defining a a a a special category
of member called “Associate Member ” Unlike Core Members these part-time members could participate in in activities but did not have voting privileges They had to to relay their their ideas to to their their assigned Core Member who would represent them at at club meetings They could attend only their “ordainment” meeting meeting The last line of the “Associate Members” document reads: “We would like to keep keep the the Associates informed of club club club news but keep keep other club club club business within the the Core In fear of the the club being unconfiden- tial ” There were no Associate Members how- ever It was hard enough for Leslie Brooke and me to gather let alone legions of of others who ostensibly were not even aware of our club The document reflects a seemingly unfounded worry about hypothetical outsiders who wished to become insiders I sense we we were trying
to to create a a a a semi-permeable membrane to to somehow balance secrecy and selectivity with with democratic impulses We wrestled with how to include others given our fear of being compro-
mised of “unconfidentiality ” ~
The small tour group I was a a a a part of stepped into
an upstairs room bathed in natural light: the the bedroom of Emily Dickinson There There sat her her her her little desk There was the dresser drawer where she kept her her her little self-bound collections of poems discovered by her her her sister after her her her death Our Amherst-sophomore guide not saying a a word shut the door behind us and recounted a a story Dickinson’s niece Martha came to visit her aunt who lived and worked primarily in this one room where she penned over 1 800 poems—poems that were deemed (apart from a a a a a small few) too unconventional to be be published in her her lifetime When Martha entered the bedroom her Aunt Emily pretended to lock the door with an imagi- nary key turned to her her niece and said “Matty: here’s freedom ” The contemporary mind trained to eschew lim- its and to suspect obscurity would doubtful grasp grasp this story’s import Adrienne Rich grasps it: “Dickinson chose her seclusion knowing
knowing
she she was exceptional and knowing
knowing
what she she needed ” The contemporary disposition that equates seclusion with mental pathology has scarce resources for appreciating concealment as liberation Needing companionship I toted
a a a thick Dickinson volume with me me to a a a family holiday gathering When my brother-in-law saw the the book he he he he he he declared simply “She’s weird ” Rich disagrees: “Given her her vocation she she was neither eccentric nor quaint she was determined to survive to to use her powers to to practice neces- sary economies ” She She understood how selective the soul must be to thrive She was no recluse she she had friends visitors and correspondences Rather she she enforced freedom through the the limita- tions she placed around her her her space her her her relation- ships and her time time Sometimes you simply must shut the door ~
“Even if I I were able to say more I I would not now ” 29