Page 60 - WTP Vol. VII #6

Returns (continued from preceding page)
out of the shower. He nodded at his mother as if they’d been talking and had maybe even found some common ground. When he saw Joel his father hitched up his pants and said, “Hey there, buddy.”
Joel did feel hate sometimes. When Derek fell into one of his whining, pissy little moods, when his
mom went off about stuff that didn’t seem to matter much—getting someplace a few minutes late, a spill on the living room rug—times when he needed his father for balance. But mostly he felt afraid. He was afraid of never seeing his dad again and also that he might try to come back one day, like he was doing right now, and he was afraid of his father, because going away without ever saying goodbye seemed like the cruelest thing a person could do.
Joel’s mother squatted in front of him. “Your father asked if he could come talk to you,” she said. “That sound okay?”
Joel was quiet. He had spent the past two months keeping an eye out for his father. Some days he raced home from the bus stop and threw open the front door hoping to see him lying on the sofa. But he never pictured it like this, his father ringing the bell to his own home, looking clean-shaven and polished as if he were trying to impress someone.
“I’m not making excuses,” his father said. “I shouldn’t have up and left you boys like that. It’s just that sometimes life gets too heavy for you, like you can’t carry it around another second.” He lifted Joel off the bike. “But that part’s over. I won’t disappear on you like that again. I wanted to talk to you first. You can understand this stuff better than your brother.”
“What about Derek?” he said.
“We’ve got time,” she said, then seemed to under- stand. “Your father will see Derek another day.” She touched the top of his head and left the room.
“Are you going to live with us?” Joel said.
His father took a seat and asked him to come closer. He started to say something and cut himself off. Then he held up a finger. “I want to show you something,” he said. He parted the blinds so Joel could see a mo- torcycle angled in the driveway. “It’s a Softail. Go on, take a look.”
His father shook his head. “Me and your mother are way past that. That’s not gonna change. Some people don’t work together. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be a family.”
Joel went down the front steps and stood beside the bike. The gas tank was blue with flecks of silver and the fenders had chrome strips down the center. He watched his reflection twist in the exhaust pipes.
In that instant Joel had an overwhelming urge to run. It was like his body needed it the way it needed air.
“This is yours?” Joel said.
Joel kept his eyes on the ground. He shivered once and his father put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close.
“Belongs to a friend of mine,” his father said. “I did some work on the brakes. You can sit on it if you want.”
When his father had gone, Joel and his mother sat facing one another on the sofa, listening to the pen- dulum clock in the kitchen. Joel had his knees pulled to his chest as he watched her pick at the cuticle on her thumb.
Joel climbed onto the seat and gripped the handle- bars. He squeezed the clutch a few times. His father lowered the helmet onto Joel’s head and patted it down. “How’s it feel?”
“Do you understand why I agreed to this?” she said. “You boys deserve to have a father. I shouldn’t keep him out at your expense. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“It’s heavy,” Joel said. “I can’t see.”
His father grunted. “Yeah, I know. Goddamn helmet laws.” He lifted the helmet and wedged it under the weight of his arm the way you would a basketball. “Listen, Joel, I know this can’t be easy for you. I’ve been wanting to come see you for a while.” He looked down at his boots as if he wanted to start again. “I can understand if you hate me right now. It wasn’t right what I did.”
“What if he leaves again?”
“Let’s not think about that,” she said. “We’ll take this
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“Tell you what, I’ll pick you boys up on Sunday. We’ll do something fun. Whatever you guys want. How’s that sound?”
one step at a time.”
She hugged him close and Joel leaned stiffly against her.