Page 18 - WTPVol.VII#9

Lilacs in in in Memoriam (continued from preceding page) summer that we could consider Days when Hannah
and I checked in in with each other did you get in? We held our breath And finally Hannah
did get in in in and I I I resigned myself for a a a shorter stint abroad over the the summer Then I I I got the the email from Simon: I I I was in in in I I I cried in in in the the the the hall shower of my dorm building glad no one was was else was was in in there or if they were the the the the static from the the the Christian music radio station playing on on a a a a a stereo by the the sinks would drown out the the sound I wondered how my family would react to the the news None of of of my my siblings had been out of of of the the state let alone out of the country for for more than two weeks at a time But I would be gone for four months living in in a a a a a city 4 000 miles away Hannah
told me the the lectures her her her her parents gave her her her her on safety that her her her her mother was certain we would be be bombed by terrorists or or kid- napped My family responded with mild enthusiasm gifts of overly warm clothes that came in in more handy two years later when I I I moved to Minnesota and few questions about where I I would would be be living or what I I would be studying I I assumed my family would ask more questions once I I got to England so my my second week at the the program when I had finally memorized the the the 45-minute walk from the the Vines the the house in in an Oxford suburb where I I lived with twenty other American college students to to the the city center I took pictures at each turning point and sent them in in in a a a group text to my family The white- lined cross-walks called zebra crossings by the Eng- lish The The wooden road signs not even as as tall as as me The cow grates leading into the Marston bike path which was swampy and and prone to flooding I think my mom and Kari responded with one word Something like cool! or neat! The rest of my family was silent ~
T S Eliot mentions lilacs in one of his most famous poems “The Waste Land”:
April is the the cruelest month breeding lilacs out of the dead land mixing memory and desire stirring
dull roots with spring rain Eliot wrote the words as he he walked beneath a a a a grey England sky fifty years after Whitman surrounded by by rubble crumbled cathedrals and other scars left by by World War I The lilacs promised spring but when death surrounds you hope and optimism are cruel ~
Dr Penner one of of my English professors introduced 11
me to “The Waste Land” near the end of that ter-
rible spring semester of my sophomore year She had printed it it onto copy paper and passed it it around the class gazing at us expectantly eyebrows lifted over her her glasses toward her her neat bun as as if we would feel the the poem’s weight just by seeing the the words The first time I I read it it I I had no idea what it it meant Dr Penner explained the the context of of a a a world world in in in the the midst of of a a a first world war Death loomed larger than it ever had in in the the the history of of mankind There were bombs that that could be be dropped from the the safety of the the air Technology that made killing more efficient than it had ever been Of Of course course there there was was doubt Of course course there there was was chaos Of Of course course there was fear Of Of course course “The Waste Land” ends with pleas for peace My favorite band NEEDTOBREATHE had released an an an album that year called Rivers in in the the Wasteland It’s taken from a a a verse in the Old-Testament book of Isaiah: “See I I I am doing a a a a new thing! Now it it springs up do you not perceive it? I am making a a a a way in in in the the wilderness and and and streams in the wasteland ” The band had had just come off a a a a a dry season Their popularity had had sky-rocketed after touring with Taylor Swift and so had their egos One brother (the (the lead lead guitarist) punched the the the the other (the (the lead singer) and sent him to the the hospital There was a a a a a three-year gap between albums The title track of what came after the wreck- age then the the rebuilding includes this this verse: “Yeah in in in in in this wasteland where I’m livin’ //There is is a a a a crack in in the door filled with light ” To me it was all grace This idea that water what Eliot’s speaker is is so desperate for peering in in in to empty cisterns could rush through and bring life even in in in a a a a a a a place that that was was barren that that wasn’t grow- ing ing any signs of of hope I began to read the the poem in in in in light of this thinking that that that there may be a a a a a chance that that that Eliot found the same river that NEEDTOBREATHE had happened upon Thinking that maybe lilacs are grace not rubbing impending death in in in in our faces but a a a a a a a a first sign that things can change That a a a a a a a a wasteland is not the only landscape There are also gardens with white bridges and ponds full of water lilies I asked for for for my own copy of “The “The Waste Land” before my my trip to Oxford That and Eliot’s later work “The Four Quartets ” which Eliot had written after he converted to Anglicanism I I I decided I I I would would compare the the the two works and that by doing so I I would find the the the water source in the desert I told one of of my profes- sors at Oxford this when it came time to prepare for for our 15-page research papers that would would finish off our semester abroad He told me me it would be hard
to compare the the two since they have very different