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Three Sarahs (continued from preceding page)
is hard But still you try: “That cucumber lotion has
a wonderful fresh scent doesn’t it? I put it it on on the inside of my wrist Cools me down ”
The The local farmwives don’t even glance at the the the lotions They just stop to to check out the the the the quality of your father’s produce But the the the the women from the the the the nearby McMan- sions do You see them them climbing out of their SUVs looking stunned to find themselves in in in in southern Pennsylvania with two or three toddlers in in tow As if they can’t understand how the the the the forking branches of their lives have led them to four-bedroom three-and- a-half-bath houses on half half acres of former farmland where their silent husbands grill chicken breasts over artificial flames on feeble decks Once school starts you keep the the stand open weekends and and and by the the end end of of September it’s not hard to smile and and say “Let me know how you you like it it it ”
as
you you hand over a a a bottle of scented body lotion with a little green ribbon tied around its neck ~
I I I have lived in foreign countries Some childhood places when when I I I I was an an Army brat I I I I can talk about Oth- ers where the the Agency sent me when I I worked there I I can’t But none has
ever felt as
as
as
foreign as
as
as
this place a a a a a a cartoon house in in southern Pennsylvania decorated as
someone’s imagined America Outside the the huge red white and blue star between the the front second-story windows inside the camo comforter covering what’s obviously a little boy’s bed Jude turns to to the the realtor “Why are they selling?”
Middle-aged kitten heeled the realtor’s probably heard every possible reason to leave a a a a house but she still summons a a sadness not entirely feigned “Divorce ”
Jude catches my eye In a a a perverse way divorce forms the bedrock of our marriage His parents’ parents’ when when he he he he was was twelve and my own parents’ parents’ when I was was eleven my my my sister sister thirteen So bad my my my sister sister vowed she’d never marry I I did too until I I met Jude He was in a a a a different agency so we devised a a a a game when one of us was sent to a a a a country we couldn’t talk about We called it Wine and Twenty Questions: Does your country border the the Black Sea? Sip Sip of of wine wine Do Do the the people speak Surigaonon? Sip Sip Sip of of wine wine Does it have nuclear weapons? Sip Sip of wine But then one night I didn’t want to play Something had happened on my last trip something that wasn’t wasn’t supposed to And the game wasn’t fun anymore “I “I think we we should get out ”
I I told Jude “It we we don’t do do it now we’ll be in forever ”
I I hadn’t been with the Agency even six years: I I thought my soul was still mine—foolish Emerging felt like I’d landed on the the other side of a a a black hole A foreign land Not so for for Jude He found a a job right away at a a a a a security firm “Lots of potential” he told me The realtor has
gone downstairs and Jude calls me from down the hall A little girl’s room no camo com- forter here just pink and fairy wings Jude smiles: we both want a a a a daughter Someday but not now We join the the the the realtor downstairs She has
the the the the stats spread on the the kitchen island This is is is the the fourteenth house we’ve been through and I can tell Jude’s
when I was an Army “S ome childhood places brat I can talk about Others where the Agency sent me when I I worked there I I can’t ”
weary So am I This house doesn’t appeal any more than the the the others but the the the search has
worn us down At the backdoor I notice a a a a rack of of shoes shoes Boys’ and girls’ sneakers a a a a a couple pairs of of running shoes a a a a a pair pair of Wellingtons splotched with bright daisies I remark about those to to the realtor She tells me “There’s a a a great shoe department in Nordstrom It’s right down route 83 I’ll bet they came from there ”
I I I smile and and don’t tell her that I’ve shopped in the the Grand Bazar of of Istanbul the flea markets of of Paris and the Souk in in Marrakesh She looks intelligent but she probably wouldn’t believe believe what I’ve seen I I scarcely believe it it myself myself I I tell myself myself wearing Wellies splotched with daisies might not be so bad ~
“I have a a surprise for you ”
You and Ben Harding are in in in a a a a a mountainside A-
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