Page 21 - Aging Parents - FDCCPublications

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
The Big Transition
Even after my father passed, Mom remained cold to the idea of moving to an assisted living community. Her house was paid for, and for a Depression-era survivor the thought of having to incur the considerable cost of what we were proposing threatened her sense of economic security. Also, cooking has been one of her lifelong passions, and most assisted living facilities do not permit anything other than a small microwave oven due to safety concerns. She could not face having to surrender what was such an important aspect of her identity and sense of self-worth. And aside from the many other particulars she was clinging to, like most people her age Mom was averse to making such a dramatic change in her very existence.
Eventually we stopped trying to convince her to move. I continued to check in on her daily by phone and would either visit her or bring her to our home most Sundays. She fell at her home at least twice, and of course she was alone. The first time she was able to crawl to a phone and call
911, but because she could not get to the door when the fire department arrived they had to break it open. As a result
of that episode, we got her a medical alert device that she wore on a wristband, and we also installed a lockbox outside her front door containing a housekey to be used by first responders. As far as I’m aware, neither was ever called into service but they did afford us some peace of mind.
And then, soon after one Christmas and completely out of
the blue, she announced that she was ready. I suppose she had to reach that decision on her own and in her own time, and I am grateful that she finally did.
Because she was moving from a three-bedroom patio home to a much smaller one-bedroom apartment, there was much furniture, furnishings, and other accumulated stuff to be disposed of. We identified a non-profit organization which gratefully removed everything that would not join her in her new home. She insisted on keeping a couple of chairs that now crowd her modest den and are seldom if ever used,
but we need to choose our battles wisely so there they shall remain.
The Cost Of Care
Many years before his health began to decline (and at a time when it was readily available and affordable), my father had the foresight to purchase long-term health insurance for both him and my mother. Because his particular disabling health issues occurred intermittently, he qualified for those benefits only a couple of times and for relatively short periods prior to his death. When Mom finally agreed to move into an assisted living community (at a cost of about $5000 per month), the need to draw benefits from her long-term care policy came into focus.
Enter the concept of “Activities of Daily Living.” In order for Mom to qualify for benefits under her policy, the insurer had to determine that she was unable to perform at least
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