Page 60 - Aging Parents - FDCCPublications

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
that she not continue to blame herself. I also advised her that she must not lose patience with Dad as this was not “him” so much as whatever was causing him to act this way. She should not take it as normal, although she had been living with it as if it was – like the frog in the pot slowly brought to a boil – for some time now. My mom was slow to accept it but started to see the logic of my advice and my more “immediate” appreciation of the history. It would be confirmed by the circumstances leading to and upon their return home.
Their departure raised concerns and also a challenge for my brother and me:
1. At the airport security screening, Mom went through the scanner with no problem. I was at the point of leaving but had enough residual concern that I lingered nearby to make sure Dad made it through, too. He went through the first time and began collecting his things when the security staff stopped him and asked if he had anything in his pockets – he shook his head no, so they asked him to go through again. On his second pass-through, the scanner detected objects again – this time, he removed his belt and then was instructed to go through a third time. When the scanner again detected objects, they pulled him aside and patted him down
and then politely but firmly asked him to empty his pockets – at which point he expressed some frustration and pulled out his nail clippers, a pen knife, and a pipe- cleaning tool – all forbidden items since 9-11 and in any event items which should have gone into the tray for personal items.
2. This is something my dad would typically have known had he been acting as I remembered him, and I sensed that now he was at risk of creating an incident that would jeopardize their flight home. So, when it was clear that he would raise a fuss about relinquishing these items, I decided to intervene. At the same time, I had never raised my voice to my dad in my life. I put on
my best courtroom bark and effectively ordered him to do as he was told – and then, when I had his attention, firmly but politely explained I would send the items to him in the mail. He stared at me with the same vacant look I had first seen in the arrivals area when he pushed
the cart into the baggage collection zone. He nodded meekly in agreement, seemed confused, but allowed the security people to take his items, which they handed over to me with a knowing smile. He turned slowly to join my mom, who looked embarrassed but relieved about their flight home.
3. Back at home, a web search on the Alzheimer’s Society information page disclosed the anticipated symptoms of those with dementia. Dad’s conduct, as my mom had
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