Page 62 - Aging Parents - FDCCPublications

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
soon became known in the emergency services world as
a “recovery” effort – no survivors. The plane had been located, but the weather and terrain in the remote area of the crash site made it a challenge. This became suddenly very immediate and closer to home when passengers were the husband and son of a lawyer in Chicago I had only “met” through like-minded coverage lawyers. I had only recently been introduced to the organization she kept current called the Armadillos. She knew I lived in Canada, and so reached out seeking assistance as she was concerned about first finding and then repatriating the bodies of her late husband and son. I advised her promptly by the reply that I would do what I could, involving another Canadian FDCC member out west. Together, we pooled resources
and tracked down colleagues on the East Coast to get her in touch with, all so that she could have “eyes and ears” on the ground in addition to the official police and other authorities working diligently in challenging conditions.
That she had the presence of mind to reach out by email during what can only have been the most traumatic time for her and her family is an example of what we can each do for ourselves in less traumatic and dramatic circumstances.
I was only too happy, along with my FDCC colleague, to be of assistance, a small effort that I suspect went some way to put this friend in need in the hands of those who could best assist. We should all remember that collectively, a little effort can lighten an otherwise unbearable load – a load we might be too distant, too ill-prepared, or too overburdened to carry alone. Lesson: Don’t be afraid to reach out to your fellow professionals. But I digress...
That good friend and classmate explained that if my parents could make it down to Victoria, he would assist them with an estate plan and powers of attorney. There was built-in trust because he and his spouse had also previously helped my parents when they needed a lawyer to close on their real estate purchase. What started as a discussion about planning quickly became a discussion about them needing my
friend’s best counsel. Fortunately, it did not take too much to persuade my parents, so he first met with them in his office down in Victoria. Once he had a sense of their preferences and desires, he then called, and we arranged for me to fly
out to meet him at my parents’ home.
After several hours of explanatory discussion, my dad signed the paperwork for powers of attorney over property and health care. My mom did likewise. Though time-consuming and the result of a little gentle persuasion as to its necessity on my part, this one step proved invaluable going forward. Initially, I had fewer concerns about their finances as
Mom was quite capable in this area. The challenge was
to make certain Dad was not spending all their resources improvidently. Tracking his bank account, it became apparent he habitually would go to a bank machine for cash. It was unclear where this money went, so I had to limit what amount was in the account.
Later, I set up a separate account to hold his share of their retirement funds. However, for readers, what is key here is this: None of these steps would have been nearly as easy
to accomplish on their behalf if my friend had not first established the powers of attorney that gave me this legal authority. Institutions like banks and municipal offices will often do nothing but politely commiserate with you if you
do not have the proper legal authority to act on your loved one’s behalf. The best time to get this paperwork in place
is now while your loved ones are still competent to instruct counsel. Depending on your (or, again, their) jurisdiction, the alternative can mean a trip to the courthouse and a much longer and more involved process to be appointed by the court.
Lesson: Don’t think that because you are your parents’ most beloved daughter or son (substitute niece/nephew, etc.), you have the authority to act as a lawyer. We may long ago have vaguely studied this in law school. A brief refresher: Blood may be thicker than water, but kinship is not necessarily the appropriate relationship to assert for helping your loved ones when dealing with their financial and other affairs. Your authority as a family member may only go so far depending on your (or, more importantly, their) jurisdiction laws. So
it is essential to consult and have your loved ones consult a trusted professional to ensure when the time comes, they have put you in the best position to do your best for them. This does not mean controlling what their wishes are,
57