Page 68 - Aging Parents - FDCCPublications

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
As we get older, the parent-child dynamic changes. And when our parents reach a certain age, that dynamic changes once again. Change is hard. And few changes are harder than when our parents have memory issues, whether as a natural consequence of aging, stroke, or various forms of dementia, including Alzheimer’s.
Here are a few tips for those starting on the caregiving journey.
1. Be an advocate. As lawyers, we are skilled at advocating for others. You will need to be your parent’s representative of medical professionals and be proactive and assertive with the medical system. You will need
to coordinate treatment amongst various providers,
be present at most medical appointments, and nudge doctors’ offices to provide specialist referrals and fill prescriptions. Please plan to attend most medical
visits with them. Memory issues make folks unreliable narrators; if a medical professional does not get the complete or accurate story of how your parent is being impacted, the professional cannot treat them properly.
2. Be prepared for the impact on you and the entire family. Life is changing for the loved one with memory issues. But it is also changing for the whole family. As
a child, you will grieve the loss of your parent – when we lose portions of our memory, part of our history is lost, and so are part of our relationships. In many cases, depending on which part of the brain is impacted,
the parent may honestly believe that they are perfectly fine and have no memory issues at all. This gap in perception can create a lot of conflicts. And, as our parent’s ability to do things is increasingly impacted,
so is the entire family dynamic. If your mother always handled the financial aspects of the family, for example, your father will need to learn how to do so. The partnership between our parents must adjust, which also means our role within the family may need to expand to fill the gap.
3. Do your research. If you are going to assist with your parent’s medical treatment, you will need to study up and be a knowledgeable source of information. Medical doctors will take your input and suggestions much more seriously if they know you did not get your information from Wikipedia or WebMD but from reading actual studies. This will help you ask about new treatments or inquire about the impact or side effects
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of recommended treatments. Some terrific podcasts like Peter Attia’s Drive or the Huberman Lab share cutting-edge research and thinking, including around Alzheimer’s Disease.
Look for a doctor who treats your parent’s memory issues as unique. Some doctors will throw up their hands and say there is no treatment and that decline in all cases is inevitable. Avoid them. Look for those few specialists who treat the disease as it should
be treated: as unique in each individual and capable of at least being slowed down if caught early enough. Do not give up. And do not waste time finding a doctor who will try. Brain capacity cannot be fixed once it is lost; however, the speed of degradation can be slowed down. The faster you can become proactive, the better.
Be open to alternative treatments. Alzheimer’s
and other forms of dementia have minimal traditional treatment options. Three primary prescription medicines are available, each with varying effectiveness and sometimes worse adverse impacts than the disease. Those doctors who try to arrest the disease’s progression often rely on nutritional supplements that reduce inflammation or lifestyle recommendations like exercise. They are open to considering those because those are their tools.
Be proactive for your future, too. If your parent has memory problems, you are more likely to get them later. The best treatment we have is prevention, and visit a doctor to get tips on preventing or delaying the onset of any disease.
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M.C. Sungaila is a Partner with the Complex Appellate Litigation Group in Newport Beach, CA. Contact her at: mc.sungaila@calg.com.