Page 70 - Aging Parents - FDCCPublications

PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
One of the facts of life, if you and your parents live long enough, is that you may reach a day when you are looking after aging parents in the final years of their lives, or you will be caring for your spouse or a family member. Sometimes, the circumstances are such that you end up as the caregiver, but often, we find ourselves observing as one aging parent becomes a caregiver for the other. The latter has been my experience, and it is the experience I will share with you here.
My subject, caregiver fatigue, is one that most
of us know nothing about unless we observe it firsthand. We may hear
a loved one expressing frustration or describing fatigue, but we don’t know how to characterize it
as a recognized medical condition. However, we need to know about it because it is real, and it can be dangerous.
If you Google “caretaker
fatigue,” you will find
dozens of articles from
major medical institutions about the subject. They all define it as emotional and physical “burnout” caused by the stress of caring for another person. It is generally caused by someone who is shouldering the entire burden of caregiving and not taking any breaks or time off. The list of disorders that the stress of caregiver fatigue can cause is long, but
the common symptoms are a feeling of worry and being overwhelmed; sleeping too much or not enough (usually not enough); fatigue; weight loss or weight gain; irritability or anger; loss of interest in activities and human interaction; headaches, body aches, elevated blood pressure, or other physical problems; and, abuse of alcohol or drugs. Many healthcare providers will tell you that the risk of death of the caregiver is real and that many elderly caregivers die before the person for whom they are caring.
My wife, Ann, and my sister, Lisa, and I had the opportunity to see caregiver fatigue firsthand with my father and mother, and we almost lost my father. That is why I wanted to share our story so that you will know and recognize caregiver fatigue before it happens in your life.
My father was a college professor, and my mother was a local elected official, artist, and homemaker. They met
in college and were married in 1954. Dad retired from teaching in 1994 at the age
of 64. Upon his retirement, they embarked on world travel, and for 15-20 years, they began spending their winters in South Florida. They were happy and healthy and had comfortable savings and life was good. Both were social extroverts who loved entertaining and loved being around others. They played in
bridge groups and enjoyed eating out with friends multiple times a week. In Florida, my mother loved to hang out by the pool with her many friends, and she volunteered to assist in planning and hosting community activities.
In January of 2010 my mother was 78, and my father was 79. One night my mother got up in the middle of the night and tripped over the hem of her nightgown as she was returning to bed from the toilet. The fall caused a fractured hip. Fortunately for her, she was in excellent health with strong bones. The orthopedic surgeons gave her a partial hip replacement that involved the replacement of the femur head but left her with her natural hip socket. The surgery was successful, and she recovered very quickly with minimal pain or disability and only modest physical therapy. We were ecstatic that she did so well, and we believed that she and we had dodged a bullet. I was well aware because of my occupation that a hip fracture in a senior citizen could result in a spiral down and premature death.
After Mom recovered, my father was ready to see the two return to their usual activities in Florida. But Mom became
65