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PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
two of several articulated ADLs without assistance, such as bathing, getting dressed, and eating. Within several months of moving, Mom met (barely) the requirements of the policy, as determined by a visiting nurse who conducted an assessment. From that point forward and until her policy limits were exhausted, she underwent an annual assessment and the insurance covered the cost of her assisted living residency. (I will spare the details here, but let me know if you want to hear about my attempts to coach Mom for her assessments. As with witness testimony preparation, the results were unpredictable and sometimes comical.)
Qualifying for those benefits had longer-term significance beyond the benefits period, because during the years in which Mom’s assisted living costs were being paid under the policy, seed cash comprised mostly of the proceeds of the sale of the patio home and a life insurance payment was allowed to grow in an investment account we had opened for her. Combined with monthly retirement benefits from my father’s military and civil service careers, relatively modest withdrawals from that investment account have covered Mom’s living and care expenses and should continue to do so for the rest of her life (even assuming that she eventually will transition to a more costly memory care or skilled nursing facility).
Your parent(s) may or may not have long-term health insurance, and they may or may not need it. But if they do not and you have concerns about the cost of their future care, then you may want to look into what products are available and their affordability, sooner rather than later.
Essential Legal Documents
I strongly recommend having aging parents execute wills, living will directives, and durable Powers of Attorney while they are still mentally competent, and updating them when appropriate as circumstances change. In particular, ensure that the POA provides explicit authority to make decisions regarding placement in restricted living arrangements, such as “memory care” (for those diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or dementia), in facilities where the freedom to come and go at will and other personal liberties must be surrendered. The details of these POA requirements are usually state-specific.
I also recommend providing copies of living will directives and POAs to healthcare providers in advance to avoid delays in making decisions and taking action if and when the need arises. And keep copies in a readily accessible location (such
as on your smartphone) just in case.
Other Practical Tips
n Obtain authority from financial institutions and other service providers to act on your parents’ behalf. This includes banks, insurance companies, credit card companies, investment services, and cable TV and phone service providers. In my experience, some companies will grant authority based upon a valid POA but others require an oral grant of permission (by phone) from the parent. Without that authority, those providers probably will not share information or otherwise speak to you about your parents’ affairs. I experienced this when I called our local internet provider to have them install wifi in my mother’s apartment. They required confirmation directly from her, so I had to be physically present with her when that conversation took place to make sure she understood what was happening and what she needed
to tell them. I am also authorized to write checks on my mother’s behalf, which has been a huge benefit.
n Make sure their assets and accounts are jointly owned. The primary benefit of doing this is that when one parent predeceases the other, you will avoid having to go through the process of having assets owned solely by the deceased parent transferred into the name of the survivor. You may also be able to avoid having
to go through probate court to administer the estate (depending on the language of the will and jurisdiction).
n Install a Nest camera or similar device. I was a little late to this game but highly recommend it. These systems are relatively inexpensive and easy to use – basically
plug and play. All you need is a wifi signal. My mom has a Google Nest camera which provides a panoramic, high-resolution view of her main living area. It allows me to check in on her from time to time to make sure
all is well (and to see if she is there before I try calling), and to be alerted to and to monitor the activity of any visitors. It allows other authorized persons to do likewise (which in my case is limited to my two siblings). Needless to say, these devices present a degree of intrusion
on privacy and therefore access should be limited appropriately.
n Prepare for trips to the ER. One Sunday evening I had to take my mother to a hospital emergency room due to an uncontrollable nose- bleed. Apparently, this is not
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