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PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
for it via another attorney in town, given the conflict, but that I would set the appointment and take him, which I did. Once we got to his attorney’s office, he again asked me to join to “tell John why we don’t need this.” Having dealt with his own wife’s ongoing Alzheimer’s, John was incredibly kind and explained to my dad that it was time for him to let the “kids” help him now.
For the next three years, the four of us (three who lived
in town and me driving down), with the incredible help
of three caregivers, managed my Dad’s daily activities, appointments, and every need. My siblings and I are all strong-willed. As a result of stepping on each other’s toes in the first months, even if entirely well-meaning, we quickly implemented a strategy that worked for us.
Of the four of us, we began to identify a single “Point Person” who was in charge of all Dad’s care and health decisions for a period that they could commit to. Everyone in the family, his friends, and the caregivers were instructed
on who the Point Person was that month. Any of us could go to the house and see dad, spend time with him, give
the Point Person our thoughts on what we saw, etc., but as
to any questions from the caregivers, doctors, or decisions made, the Point Person was in charge. We typically rotated the Point Person role for a month or two. As a result, the caregivers weren’t getting mixed messages from every family member who visited or called, and we were each able to visit with Dad on the phone or in-person without feeling like we were on point. The lines of communication were clear, and hard feelings were avoided.
We created a binder with a form for each day that the caregivers needed to fill out that included details about
his day, such as blood pressure readings, water intake, medicines and supplements taken and time, output (essential to monitor to avoid bladder infections in the elderly), food eaten, mental state, etc. As a result, any of us could walk in and get a really good read about what was going on with his health. We could also pick it up with Dad when heading to a
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