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PATIENCE, PLANNING AND SUPPORT: REFLECTIONS ON DEALING WITH AGING FAMILY MEMBERS
As we get older, the parent-child dynamic changes. And when our parents reach a certain age, that dynamic changes once again. Change is hard. And few changes are harder than when our parents have memory issues, whether as a natural consequence of aging, stroke, or various forms of dementia, including Alzheimer’s.
Here are a few tips for those starting on the caregiving journey.
1. Be an advocate. As lawyers, we are skilled at advocating for others. You will need to be your parent’s representative of medical professionals and be proactive and assertive with the medical system. You will need
to coordinate treatment amongst various providers,
be present at most medical appointments, and nudge doctors’ offices to provide specialist referrals and fill prescriptions. Please plan to attend most medical
visits with them. Memory issues make folks unreliable narrators; if a medical professional does not get the complete or accurate story of how your parent is being
2.
impacted, the professional cannot treat them properly.
Be prepared for the impact on you and the entire family. Life is changing for the loved one with memory issues. But it is also changing for the whole family. As
a child, you will grieve the loss of your parent – when we lose portions of our memory, part of our history is lost, and so are part of our relationships. In many cases, depending on which part of the brain is impacted,
the parent may honestly believe that they are perfectly fine and have no memory issues at all. This gap in perception can create a lot of conflicts. And, as our parent’s ability to do things is increasingly impacted, so
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