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FDCC Pillars
Civility is Power By Marc Harwell
GUIDING PRINCIPLES
Maintain Self-Control
The choice is yours. You may choose to react to a perceived slight, indignity, or wrong with anger, resentment, a harsh retort, etc. Or you may choose to react in a manner that separates you from the offender in a powerful and positive way. To lose control of your reaction or to cede control to the offender,
does not advance your position. It diminishes you.
Recognize That Others Can Only Hurt You If You Let Them
He means that you are in complete control of your own self-worth and values. You may shame yourself by doing or saying something that is disgraceful, and that will be your opportunity for growth or for a decline under the weight of the shame. An insult by another directed to you or about you only has power to the extent that you allow it. Again, how you choose to respond says more about you than the insult or the slight.
Practice Kindness
When under attack or when beset by any offense or vicious attack, consider whether you can respond with a constructive, honorable, positive solution that disarms and rehabilitates the offender. You thereby grow in stature, exhibit a maturity that should reasonably instill respect, and can change both the message and the tone.
Marc Harwell
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius ruled from 161
to 180 A.D. Plato called him the “Philosopher King.” His Meditations have
been a source of guidance and inspiration for centuries. Presented here are three Guiding Principles that are especially instructive to the issue of Civility.
Yelling, speaking in a shrill tone, or talking over another stops or at least seriously hampers a reasoned dialogue or discussion. Speaking with a firm, sincere, and interested voice and demeanor promotes a reasoned discussion.
Having worked the majority of my professional career as a lawyer
in the capacity of an advocate, I appreciate argument and debate. In such a role, presentations to judge and jury are always more effective and well received when the words, tone, and demeanor collectively work together
to establish credibility and appreciation of the message. I have never found a loud, shrill message to be inspiring.
In my work as a mediator, much of my time is spent delivering a party’s message to an opponent with words and phrasing and in a tone that says what a party means but in a way that is more likely to be appreciated and considered than it would have been if
delivered in an overly aggressive and charged manner.
When I think of the greatest communicators and what made them so effective, Dr. Martin Luther King often comes to my mind.
If anyone had the right to deliver
a message in a harsh, loud tone with vicious words, Dr. Martin Luther King certainly had the right to do so in 1963. But he didn’t.
His message was too important and the need for change was too great for him to squander his
time in history with ineffective rhetoric. The beauty of his words and phrasing, tone, and delivery in his “I Have A Dream” speech tell me everything that I need to know about great oration.
Civility is power because civility is about control of oneself. If you cannot control yourself, how can you expect to influence another?
Marc H. Harwell, Senior Director of
the FDCC’s Board of Directors and the founding and managing Partner of Harwell & Hurst in Chattanooga, TN. Contact him at: marc@harwelllawgroup.com.
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