Page 71 - Once a copper 10 03 2020

Roz knew the area like the back of her hand and as we drove up a road
behind the church, she stopped next to a gulley. She told me to run through
he gulley and it would bring me out on the main road near the church.
Adrenalin pumping like mad, I jumped out of the car and ran through the
gulley.

As I came out, I saw a mixed-race lad bolting from the direction of the
church. I could see items of silver sticking out of the top of his jersey. I wasn’t
unfit but his kid ran like a greyhound and I was sure I’d lose him. As he ran
across the central reservation, a large silver church goblet fell onto the grass.
He hadn’t spotted me yet and he paused for a second to pick it up. At that
point I knew I had a chance. In my excitement I let out a profanity amid the
shout, ‘STOP you thieving fucker!’ and to my surprise he stopped dead in his
tracks for that second too long and I jumped on him. Within seconds I had his
arms behind his back and my handcuffs saw their first gainful employment!

Just at that, Roz appeared alongside us to hear me saying “Gotcha mate,
you’re under arrest on suspicion of burglary” and I gave my first use of the
caution in a real-life criminal arrest. My chest was swollen with pride as I
placed the lad in the back of the police car and Roz collected up the stolen
silver-ware from the grass and put it in the boot. “This is where the fun starts
Steve”, she said, “the bloody paperwork”.

Back at the station, the few officers not on patrol were there to congratulate
me and I stood my prisoner in front of Sergeant Ted Reaney who doubled up
as office and custody Sergeant. The booking in process complete, my first 15-
year-old lock up was placed in the juvenile detention room, a little less
imposing for younger offenders.
Congratulations all round and for a few moments I felt I had arrived at last.

My moment of glory didn’t last long though. Minutes
later I was called to the front office enquiry desk where
someone wanted to see me. As I got to the counter, I
saw a small woman, in her fifties, no more than 5’2” tall,
wearing a sixties fashion mini skirt. Facially, she was
striking but not in what you might call an attractive
way. Her face was caked in white make-up with thick
black eye-liner and she wore gawdy red lipstick. Her
hair was bleached white and styled in a 60’s beehive.
She reminded me of a less attractive Barbara Windsor
from the ‘Carry-On’ films.

What was to play out next was less than funny, for me at least. “You’ve just
nicked my son” she said. I told her that he would have to be interviewed and
the rest was up to the custody Sergeant. Any guilt I may have felt about my Page71