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Self-Empathy
Deepak/Dick Sethi
CEO
Organic Leadership
When I first came to the US in the 1970s, I was greatly influenced by the seminal thinking of Carl Rogers, who introduced empathy through “Client Centered Therapy” in his book On Becoming A Person. Carl talked about the difference in listening to understand vs. listening to respond. That was the start of my exposure to and interest in the subject of empathy.
Due to the carnage of COVID-19, empathy has recently taken center stage. But it is important to remember that the U.S. has a highly individualistic, detached culture, starting in childhood when individual children express little empathy. A study done in 2010 by Sara Konrath, a social psychologist in the field of empathy, found a major decline in empathy among young people who were becoming more narcissistic,
in part due to social media and the alienation brought about by impersonal technology.
Today, there is a lot of obligatory talk about empathy. It has almost become a fad. Since the onset of the virus, though, I have been keenly observing and researching how people actually display empathy to others, and it has become obvious to me that very few people have the necessary skills or temperament to provide genuine, authentic empathy in a skillful, positive manner.
It certainly feels nice to receive empathy from friends, family, and even strangers. But to thrive, we need to cultivate a solid, actionable, and measurable plan to develop the skill of Self-Empathy in ourselves and start teaching and role modeling empathy to all – especially children.
Self-Empathy is the skill of providing empathy to our own selves at the right time, in the right measure, and in the most impactful, personalized manner that will have the best and most immediate effect on us.
Self-Empathy is a mega talent that can be learned by mastering a variety of skills like self-awareness, mindfulness, emotional intelligence, visualization, self-talk, an attitude
of gratitude and resilience, etc. These will take better root by having a daily practice of deep breathing (pranayama) followed by meditation. These two ancient Indian practices in turn reinforce the Buddhist principle of quieting the mind and making space for our innate wisdom to teach and guide us.
We are at a crossroad like never before. Empathy offered by others, by organizations, and by ourselves (as Self-Empathy) will be needed in good measure – from the White House and every house – for us to overcome the scourge of COVID-19 and become a humane and happy society with a booming economy!
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