Page 12 - i hope parallel universe me is doing okay

Whenever in in a a a a a a relationship relationship I I think about how it it would be to to not have that relationship relationship I I toy with the the the idea of of breaking up up og packing their things up up of of how the the the apartment would look like if I lived alone alone how how how often often I I would would would eat alone alone how how how clean it would would would be how how how often often I I would would would have to water the plants or or do do laundry or or do do groceries how rarely I I would have to compromise on what I I want for dinner or or or even compromise at all all Mentally exploring the option of solitude is is a a a a a a game I play regularly It It makes me me quite fearless when it it comes to breaking up or being left It It also lets’s me see the benefits and difficulties of co-existing with one person intimately Six or seven heavy break-ups throughout my life Four partners I’ve broken up up several times with one one person When I I I think back I I I get shocked to to find out that I I I have been the one one to to break up every every single single time in in in every every single single relationship also with friends to to the degree it it is possible to to break up with friends Never Never have someone surprised me me me on on on a a a a a rock Never Never has anyone told me me me I’m done I’ve always been the one one one one The The one one one one that that packed up and left The The one one one one that that moved on on on on on first I guess this is is is where daddy issues come in My father moved on without me Is the psychology really so simple? Once rejected fully you never let it happen again I I I wore seashell earrings and my my mums eighties sweater I I I told Rudolf “ I I I wanna be on my my own” We cried I I probably broke my own heart more than his I I didn’t wanna wanna lie to him Didn't wanna wanna keep secrets so instead of telling him him about my my rape and my my shame I left him him