Page 61 - i hope parallel universe me is doing okay

Dear Practice where do do do I I I I start? do do do I I I I start start start in in 2010 or do do do I I I I start start start when I I I I was a a a a a child to to coming to to you felt
many times as as coming back and not going forwards In the way that your territory was never outside it it it was always already there Sometimes I’ll hear myself asking how is it it it that the the finite space that is effectively the space of interior to my skin can feel feel so large? I I see where it ends but I I feel feel otherwise I should maybe say sense instead Sense as equivalent to wonder and curiosity Growing up I associate with with being told not to to make things so so complicated and with with learning how how how to to to be reasonable how how how to to to perform reason reason and how how how to to to pass So much effort of coming to to to you then I I associate with learning how to to to re-contextualise reason for myself once I I started to to to comprehend its its limits and and understand that you are so much more than When that that that happened I realised that that that most of my skill and and vocabulary and and instinct by that that that point hard earned was limited to to to reason and that were I I to to to ever meet you again I I needed to to to learn new new skills and and develop new new sensitivities and and sensibilities It’s been 10 years since I I started that journey by repeating the the work “table” at at at my desk in in the the bedroom at at at Chaussée d’Alsemberg do you remember that? That was the the bedroom I I fell in in love with a a a a a boy in in for the the first time where I I had the the best and and the the worst sexual experience to date and and where I started dreaming again Literally dreaming I I knew so so little little then about about where this journey would be taking me I I know so so little little about about it still which I maybe the point of journeying you you set on on a a a journey journey precisely because you you don’t know what you’re going to discover The one thing I sometimes still get insecure about is the fact that you and me me me rarely seem to find outselves fin in in environments associated with “art” unless we initiate the exchange Sometimes I I worried that that that will I I be able to prove once again that that that our relationship is is artistic and that that that our relationship is dancing dancing whether we’re dancing dancing or or or writing or or or hosting But that’s nothing more than a a a a a a a a social concern concern and a a a a a a a a political concern concern after all neither one of us seems to be interested in in networking The confidence you give me is not related and has never been relative to getting nor conditioned by looking for that that that kind of recognition I I I know that that that I I I sometimes feel that that that I I I would be able able to to to give give you you you more if I were to to to be able able to to to give give you you you the the the stages of the the the world But then you you you remind me me that you’re here here with me me in in in my body wherever it it may be: in in in the classroom in in in a a a a a a whatsapp message or or a a a a a a a letter And I thank you for that You make me me feel like our relationship is functional and that must be the most precious gift Thank you you for letting me find you you wherever I look: in fin in writing in in in in in in in speaking in in in in in in in dreaming in in in in in in in studying the world with my eyes ears hands and and heart Thank you for teaching me me that every every medium and and every every genre makes communication and and a a a a a a a a different kind of communication possible And that the the joy is in in the the detail I love you pavleheidler 2020-04-13