Page 79 - Sky runner

That hope It can feel so nice and yet cause so so much pain when it gets dashed Three doctors examined my my knee knee clinically and they gave me hope They agreed that my my knee knee was too stable for it it to to be a a a a a a a a a a a a rupture rupture of the cruciate ligament ligament Most probably probably it it was a a a a a a a a a a a a small rupture rupture or or or strained ligament ligament I could probably probably be back on skis for the the the next world cup race And what was was the the the EC compared to winning the the the entire world cup? That was was a a a a a a a a a nice goal Maybe I could do the the vertical the the next day even?
The MR result came in in and and I limped to to the the the doctor and and his computer He said nothing just stared at the screen Oh no ”Not good ” ” ” ” ” ” ” ” the cruciate ligament ” ” ” ” ” ” full rupture ” ” I didn’t hear after that Everything just dis- appeared The cruciate ligament That’s a a a a a a a a a a a a a seri- ous injury Nearly one year of rehab Several months without being able to move The evening after receiving the the results was was was so strange As it it it was was was the the the EC I was was was in in in in Switzer- land with the the Swedish national ski mountain- eering team: my teammates and and friends that were skiing the the vertical the the next day My first intuition was to to accept it it and just moveon IknewwhatIhadtodo Intheone moment I I I I I I was rational I I I I I I wrote a a a a a a a list of things I I I had to to to find out Looked into different surgery alternatives tried to to to to understand how how they were implemented how how to to to plan the the months of rehab afterwards How I was going to to to find things to to occupy myself with during the next few months All of of of those thoughts came at at once But that was was only one side of of of me me of of of course I I I I was was sad but I I I I knew I I I I had to to move on on on I I I I wanted to to spend time with my teammates support them before the the the the vertical the the the the next day The other side of me me just wanted to hide in my room and wake up six months later with a a a a a healed knee ATTHEBOTTOM
The next day I I I went home and I I I lived the time that followed in in a a a a a a a a sort of haze I I I had nothing left My goals my my my job my my my passion my my my every- day life – everything was gone And with the the the loss came the the the the uncertainty All the the the the questions The first time you get injured is probably the the the worst all questions and feelings are new I did not know what a a a a a life without movement looked like In one sense I I was angry My whole train- ing ing philosophy during the the last ten years had been to to to to stay injury-free just because the the great- estthingofalltomewastobeabletorunor ski every day if I felt like it it it Now it it it had been taken away from me and and it it it was was not even my own fault That was was hard to to digest and and difficult to accept!
THE TURNING POINT
After many many many phone calls and many many many studies of different alternatives to surgery after many many many dark moments hours and days I decided to have surgery on the the cruciate ligament in Umeå Sweden That was 13 days after the the accident That also turned out to be the turning point I I gave myself that deadline By then I I would have gone through the the the the worst thoughts allowed myself to to to be be down there at the the the deepest bottom of this dark mess I I wanted to to to be be sad and downhearted Because if I I wasn’t what what was was was was it all worth worth then what what was was was was taken away from me? To me me is was was was worth worth everything in in the whole world Although everything was as as as dark as as as the the night I I somehow enjoyed allowing myself to be be that downhearted It sounds strange but I I I I could could almost enjoy my self-pity because I I I I knew I I I could could get out of that that dark room and that that was the most important thing There and then I I thought about that promise I I I had had made to to myself to to never risk my my health and the the most valuable thing I I had had in in in life: the the ability to train every day UPHILL 75