Page 80 - Sky runner

I I chose to accept a a a a a a a situation I I did’t create myself That gave me me some peace I I also knew that although my entire world had had fallen apart in in in in one single moment I I I still had had other things I I I knew there was was something Even if if it it it was was was small And even if if I I did not appreciate it it it before it it it was was there Some moments I I felt guilty because I I was was so depressed about this mundane detail: an an injured cruciate ligament that’s nothing compared to everything that that that happens around world But you cannot think like that that all the time In one way it gives some distance to things and and and you can handle them them better look at them them more objectively But on the the the the the the other hand hand you you cannot belittle the the the the the thing that matters the the the the the most to you you My love my my passion and my my work had been taken away from me in in in the blinking of an eye Sometimes when I fell down into that dark hole again and felt it was not sustainable any more I I forced my thoughts to the the the other leg which I I could stand on Things that made the the the day brighter after all My My My My My friends My My My My My boyfriend My My My My My family My My My My My garden My My My My My curiosity Things besides running that always made me happy They were there and I tried to focus on them FORWARDS
I I I would be lying if I I I said that things only went upwards for for me after the surgery I I I had de- cided to look forward be be positive and make the best of life as as as it it was but sometimes I just wanted to fall asleep and and wake up up and and be be up up running in in in in in the the mountains mountains again Sometimes when I looked out out over the the the mountains mountains heard about friends and other people training being outside racing doing everything I used to do do it was hard hard When my longing for for a a a a a a a quick run up a a a a a a a a a mountain for for the the feeling of hard-work- ing ing muscles in in in in in harmony with the the breath was too great it it almost hurt physically inside me I I I made a a a a a a a list of of things I I I wanted to do during this period of of time Was there something I I I could develop? Learn more about? Things I did not have time for for before?
Some days I I would lie on the couch feel sor- ry ry for myself and watch TV series I I excused those days with the thought that that everything does not have to be that that damn meaningful There was surely a a a a a a a a a purpose in in in in in laying there in in in in in my bubble and and getting tired of it Maybe just understanding that there is something better in in in fin in life than pitying yourself We have to find something that makes our our everyday life meaningful During the the time I was was injured the the rehab gave me me me my purpose with life That was was far from what I I I I really want- ed but I I I I knew it it it would take me me there If I I I I gave it it time and patience I I was almost always able able to to appreciate the time I I had in order to to prepare a a a a a a a a a a a a a a large vegetable garden weed the the forest chop wood clear bushes and and do other projects and and studies But I often ended up thinking that this was not what I I had chosen I I read some articles and self- help books even saw a a a a a a a a a a a sports psychologist It was was was rewarding in in in particular to see that the process I I was was was going through was was was quite normal To allow myself to to fall but be able to to get up from from the the hole and look forward – that that is the the most important thing that that I learned from from from these books and and magazines and and from from my own evaluations That is how it it worked for me But it it was hard I I just wanted to to to run run I I hadn’t chosen to to to to do do other things than to to to to run run I I I returned to to to to that that all the the the time – the the the freedom to to to choose That is important I I I knew that that I I I just had to to to accept accept the situation situation and move on on on I I chose to to accept accept a a a a a a a a a a a situation situation I I didn’t create myself That gave me me some peace Although my my motivation to do these second-choice activities was low I just did them and at the the the end of the the the day it it felt more meaningful than if had done nothing Focus on that!
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