Page 64 - TheLeekLoserEdition_1

NOVEMBER 7, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
A lawsuit filed earlier this week alleged that Arizona votes for Trump marked with a Sharpie were not counted. The Trump campaign and the Republicon National Committee filed the suit against Maricopa County election officials. The lawsuit arose after a video, shared more than one million times on Twitter, featured an unnamed woman who falsely claimed that poll workers tried to force her to use a Sharpie because Sharpie-marked ballots were not being counted. There is no evidence to merit the case, which was suddenly, without explanation, withdrawn late today.
An anonymous source close to the Trump campaign disclosed that the lawsuit was dropped after the plaintiffs realized that the president is The Sharpie King, using the instrument exclusively to sign all of his correspondence and executive orders. If the justice system were to find that Sharpie-marked ballots are illegal, the president’s entire first term could come crashing down because all personal and government documents bearing his Sharpie signature could be invalidated.
To date, Trump has signed 194 executive orders with his trusty Sharpies. A facsimile of his Sharpie signature also appeared on 90 million White House vanity letters that accompanied the CARES Act stimulus checks, and on more than three million laughable naturalization letters. Last year, the president altered the trajectory of Hurricane Dorian with his Sharpie on an official National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) map. He uses them to sign proclamations, legislation, love notes, and bathroom doors when the urge strikes him.