Page 78 - Javanan Magazine Issue #1918

From The Desk Of The Editor ISSUE No. 1918

Haleh, San Francisco JAVANAN
The monster of my life in prison

After being expelled from the univer- dark past behind me and got a job at
sity, I worked hard for two years, and a well-known law firm with a few ex-
at the same time, I was thinking of prosecutors as employees.
leaving Iran and continuing my stud- My mother cried every night on the
ies abroad. One summer, I went to phone when she found out my chil-
Turkey with my friends and met some dren were born. She kept saying she
families at our hotel; They had come wanted to see her grandchildren. Af-
from the USA. One of those families ter a few months, I decided to talk to
was interested in me from day one. her.
For as long as I can remember, I They told me they had a brother in "I'll arrange for you and my brother to
have been told that my father died in a the US and that I was the best one come here," I said to her. "But Hamed
car accident. My younger brother was for him. I told them that I had not yet must not come with you."
also injured and my mother survived. met and didn't know their brother, so I "If Hamed finds out about this, he
It always made me wonder who was could not agree with such an opinion. won't let your brother come." my
responsible for the incident. Later, a Then, one day their brother entered mother said
clue was found and the errant driver the hotel. He had come there at the "Ok, but he can't step into my house."
was arrested. After this incident, my came insistence of his mother and sister. With the help of documents and of-
mother had many suitors because of to me. When she asked He and his family invited me and ficial invitations from the law firm,
her pretty face and attractive body. me what happened, I lied to her. I my friends to a disco that night. He my mother, my brother Behrouz and
My uncle also suggested one of his said I saw a giant bee in my room. I started talking to me in the crowded Hamed came to the US. Mansour met
close friends, Hamed. My grandfa- could see Hamed from a distance; he disco and over time I felt that he was them at the airport and took Hamed
ther and my mother agreed to this showed me his long the man of my life. He said that after to a hotel. That night I talked with my
the experience of marrying a Pana-
marriage. I was 10 years old when knife. Nothing happened that night. manian girl, who ruined his life, he mother until dawn. She told me that
we went to a new house and, as my Fortunately, Hamed did not come to had avoided any kind of friendship Hamed also raped five girls; neigh-
brother says, found a new father. He my room again, but I did not dare or marriage for eight years, and now bors and relatives. He had also caused
had a big house; With a pool and a big to tell this horrible event even to my seeing me, he felt that I was the ideal financial damage to some people. My
yard. It was like heaven for me and mother. Several times I had seen girl, his other half. mother said that one of those girls'
my brother. Hamed treat my mother with vio- My friends and I were supposed to fathers had castrated Hamed, but
Six months had passed since we en- lence. Once he even pushed her down return to Iran after ten days, but Man- Hamed did not inform the police out
tered that house when I suddenly from the top of the stairs and caused sour changed our plane tickets and of fear.
woke up one night and saw my na- injuries to my mom's hands and feet. paid for our hotel room. We extended The next morning, Hamed called me.
ked stepfather standing next to me. This made me realize that Hamed is our trip for another seven days. Fi- "These twins look like me, Right?!"
I wanted to scream out of fear, but a dangerous person. I was forced to nally, he asked me to marry him and He said.
Hamed covered my mouth with his keep quiet. Although, in all the years at the insistence of his family and my I was mad with rage and hung up the
hand and put a knife under my throat. that followed, I always jumped at any friends, I talked to my mother on the phone.
He told me not to scream, otherwise, sound from behind the room door phone. Then, one night, I told Man- I talked to the lawyers in our office
he would kill me, my mother, and my or window. I hated every man who sour the whole story about Hamed and told them the whole story. They
brother. I was speechless, my body looked like Hamed. During the whole and what happened that night. He said they could sue Hamed legally if
was numb and I was shaking violent- high school period, despite dozens hugged me warmly and promised he they got evidence from Iran. With my
ly. Then, Hamed raped me. Since I of offers from neighborhood boys, I would make me forget about the bit- mother's guidance, I found three of
was bleeding, he bandaged me, forc- completely avoided everyone. When terness of that incident and take my his victims within ten days. One was
ibly gave me some pills, and told me I imagined how I would explain that revenge one day. I finally got married in Iran, the other in the Netherlands,
not to forget what he said. Then he dark memory if I decided to get mar- to Mansour. he was supposed to ap- and the third in Dubai. They helped to
left the room. ried in the future, I would shudder ply for my visa through the American complete the case against Hamed by
I didn't sleep that night. I cried in my and tell myself that maybe it would embassy. To my surprise, my visa phone and email.
bed, writhed in pain, and talked to be better if I never got married. was issued within ten days. I said Twenty days ago, Hamed was
God. The next morning, I did not go After high school, I took the univer- goodbye to my mother on the phone, brought to the court in handcuffs. The
to the breakfast table because I was sity entrance exam and was accepted said goodbye to my friends, and came court sentenced him to 12 years in an
afraid that Hamed would cause harm into law school. In my senior year, to the US to begin my new life. American prison and then deportation
to my mother and brother. I decided due to political events at the univer- When Mansour found out that my to Iran. At that moment, I looked at
to keep all that sadness, fear, and pain sity, I was expelled. I should also studies at the university were incom- my mother. Her face was calm and
to myself. add that after high school, I became plete, he encouraged me to pursue it. peaceful.
hardly slept at night for a week. Ev- my friend's roommate for a while, I My friends in Iran sent me my last "I saw the humiliation in his eyes, the
ery night I put the small table in my also worked in a company in the af- university documents. But in the end, monster of all the painful years of my
room behind the door. Hearing every ternoons and only visited my mother I started studying at the university life," she whispered. "I'll sleep sound-
sound, I would wake up in sheer ter- once a week; only when Hamed was from the beginning. With a husband ly tonight."
ror. A week later, Hamed again came not at home. Sometimes my mother like Mansour and his passionate love, I hugged her. "I, too, will sleep peace-
to my room in the middle of the night. asked me why I hated Hamed. I didn't my whole being was full of energy fully. I won't have nightmares any-
I jumped out of the window of my have a good explanation for her, so I and hope for the future. After gradu- more."
room when I saw him. At the sound would just tell her I was disturbed by ation, my twins were born and my Farsi Text on Page 7
of my scream, my mom woke up and the way he treated her. world changed entirely. I put all that

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