Page 145 - Interior_SPRING SUMMER FALLING_2021

SPRING SUMME R FALLING | 145

having a difficult day at work. The shopping for things he would like. The
wondering if he thinks my outfits are cute. My constantly thinking we are an “us”
and not a “him” and “me.”
My mind refuses to check the “single” box, but that is exactly what I am. We
are roommates and coworkers. We are friends not paramours. I’ve considered

going on dates, but all of those men aren’t Henry. My heart beats for one. Cassie
did a number on him, and I want to give him thinking space to make sure he’s
healed from that debacle.
My phone pings, and pulls me out of my thoughts.
Henri: Sorry my mom needs my help. Sanya: Okay, drive safe.
Henri: Thanks
My sigh is a mixture of disappointment and relief. It is a ninety percent chance
we would have jumped each other if he had followed me into the house. That’s a
lie. I would have been a naked puddle of orgasms by now. Instead, I’m sinking into
a hot bath to evaluate my life.
The warm bubbles settle around my body and the soft scents of rose and
chamomile weave into my soul, relaxing me. I need to think I must attack this like
any other problem. I close my eyes and settle into my bath pillow. What do I want

from Henry? Friendship, sex, fun, sex, sex, sex, sex, love… My eyes pop open at the
last thought.
Does Henry want love? He wasn’t in love with Cassie, and he thought she was
having his child. He looked so unhappy when they were a thing. He was beyond
sweet with baby Amber, and he entertained my mom’s quest for grandchildren.
Maybe he wants children but not the mother? I think about our conversations and
time together. He doesn’t seem bitter towards women; the times he’s talked about
Cassie, he didn’t dwell on the negative or find reasons to call her names. Henry is
sweet to his mother, sister, my mother, and me.
I watch the ripples in the water. I tap the surface to create more. I grab my
sponge and start to wash my body as I weigh my options. My heart has already
softened towards Henry. I have to choose. I either keep my distance and hope we
can work our way back into friendship or have incredible sex until I can’t have it
any more. Both options hurt. If I work my way into a friendship, I’d have to watch
him with other women. Seeing Henry with other women might be a fate worse
than death. I’d trip a hoe, but it’s not fair to her that he has a jealous friend.