Page 19 - The Standard Volume 2

not nightly basis. Your children need to feel that you enjoy them and not that they are a burden. This can be accomplished by having game nights, movie nights, or any family activity that everyone can enjoy.
Then of course there needs to be a set bedtime. The younger your children are, the earlier the bedtime. Children should not be allowed to decide for themselves when they can go to their bedrooms for the night. In instances where there are single parents who work evenings, perhaps a family member such as an aunt, uncle, or grandparent, can help enforce the structure.
There should also be a consistent routine in the mornings and on the weekends. It is unrealistic to have something planned minute by minute, but at least try to have consistent times for meals, bathing, waking up, and going to bed. In creating this kind of structure, children will feel taken care of, safe, and develop a trusting relationship with their parent(s).
Perhaps you are the parent who has implemented this type of daily structure and still feel defeated. Arguing with your child does not teach them. In fact, it strains the relationship and wears you down, which often times leads to a more rebellious child or the child getting their way. You can avoid arguments in a relatively simple way. First, if you find yourself in situations where your child is not following an expectation, start by giving them two choices. For example, if your child does not want to do their homework or an assigned chore, you would simply state that they have two
choices—they can either choose to do the expected chore or homework, or they can choose not to do it; if they choose the latter, they will lose a privilege such as their cell phone or social time with friends. In a situation like this, you need to make sure of two things: one, that you can follow through and enforce both choices. Two, that you can live with them making either choice. If your child attempts to argue or negotiate with you, respond with a one or two sentence statement such as, “I love you too much to argue about this” or “I know that you don’t like the choices, but they are the only options you have.” Remember to stay calm throughout this situation!
Lastly, one of the best things a parent can do for their child is model what they want their children to do. Can your kids look at you and see that you follow rules and can take direction from someone else? Or are you witnessing some of the same patterns and behaviors in you that your children have? If you find that you are not consistent or obedient, then find ways to start showing your children that you are. It’s important to note that you will experience some resistance, but the key in all of this is patience and consistency. Stick with it and your child will develop new behaviors. There may be so much more that you are experiencing and are in need of, but start with prayer and meditation on the Lord accompanied by the beginning of the structure setting stated above, and you will have a solid foundation from which to build upon. S
If your marriage entails being too busy for one another, your marriage at best...is a “tale.” Good stewardship of the family and its resources requires work, maintenance, and sacrifice of one’s time. Collateral involvement in religious, recreational, and social groups is commendable, but can become a barrier to marital flow. Often, spouses will use these as futile reasons for not investing quality time for one-on-one communication, laughing, dating, and bonding.
When this happens, life’s activity BECOMES the marriage, making your union a dualistic hoax. Let life’s activity flow OUT of marital intimacy, making it the core of your busyness!
You’ll be MUCH happier together,
as you grab life...by the TAIL!
For more information, please contact us at (651) 290-9673 or info@thcci.org
January 2020 | THE STANDARD 19