Page 175 - UAE Truncal States

Chapter Four

(some men maintained that God created men, women, and animals,—
in that order), inside the family such statements do not hold good.
There, in her role as daughter, sister, wife and mother, a woman can
mould her personality in the daily contact with other members of the
family. As a sister she can at an early age replace her mother in the
care for the younger children. As a wife she is very often the driving
force behind many economic decisions, such as what should be
bought for the household or whether the house should be extended,
and in very prosperous houses a wife may become a formidable
catalyst for local politics. A touching and often quoted example was
Shaikha Salamah bint Buti, mother of the Abu Dhabi Shaikhs
Shakhbut and Zayid and the other sons of Shaikh Sultan bin Zayid,
because she not only made her sons promise not to harm each other if
one of them were to be deposed by another as Ruler, but she was also
the most important “eminence grise", with whom both her sons
consulted almost daily while they were Rulers.
In the domestic sphere many women, particularly those who had
learnt to read the Koran, were the most steadfast practising Muslims.
As was mentioned earlier, most women do not miss any of the
prescribed prayers, and they often fill idle moments, such as when
the conversation with a visitor has lapsed into silence, to murmur a
surah from the Koran or a prayer. To have an older woman in the
family who is a devout Muslim without being bigoted or self-
righteous, who has the humility, kindness and all-embracing nature
of truly religious people, gives that family a spiritual leader; members
of the family learn from her example how to cope with adversity, to be
loyal to one another and tolerant towards strangers. During the
month of Ramadan the older women may sometimes press the men to
be steadfast in observing the fast, keeping a record of the days
missed and to be made up later. Other women have become quite
formidable tyrants over the entire extended family, dictating on all
matters big and small, from marriage arrangements even to the size of
the eyeholes in the mask (burqa') which each mature woman of the
household has to wear.

Men’s social rating
While for all practical purposes the role of women within the
household is frequently that of decision-maker, the male head of the
family is the provider, spokesman and representative. He is the
upholder of the Islamic norm of conduct in the eyes of the outside

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