Page 48 - Advanced Romance

Advanced Romance* 45
not, is that if they don’t last until one of the lovers dies, then it is a horrible failure. Not only is it a failure but there’s probably something terribly wrong with you or the other person that makes it so you or they can’t fully commit. Part of this view is due to the above one-and- only thinking. Part is due to endless propaganda about what love is supposed to be. It’s nowhere as strong as
it once was, but it’s strong enough to make many not appreciate the good years they had with their lover.
No less than the queen of sexual anthropology, Margaret Meade, wrote: “It’s idiotic to assume that because a marriage ends it’s a failure. I have married three times and not one of them was a failure... The first relationship was for sex; the second was for children; the third for companionship.”25
Of course many think of Meade is an overly
strange bird, messing in the pagan sex lives of Samoans. However, the fact of the nearly 50% divorce rate,
and even greater breakup rate, shows that about half
of Americans are in the same capsizing boat as Ms. Meade. This fact alone should make a dramatic change in how people perceive the end of a relationship. But many still believe that if their relationship fails they
feel their life, or at least a big part of it, is a failure also. The unhappiness that results from their breaking up is increased by their opinion that their life, to some great degree, is a failure because they broke up.
So as long as this fundamentalism rules, you have a