Page 188 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

'Oh, but Mum, I have to work with Daniel, I - '

'Darling - wrong way round. He has to work with you. Give him hell, baby.'
(Oh God, I don't know who she's been mixing with.) 'I've been thinking, anyway.
It's high time you got out of that silly dead-end job where no one appreciates
you. Prepare to hand in your notice, kid. Yes, darling I'm going to get you a job

in television.'

Am just off to work looking like Ivana bloody Trump wearing a suit and lip
gloss.

Wednesday 2 August

8st 12., thigh circumference 18 inches, alcohol units 3 (but v. pure sort of wine),
cigarettes 7 (but did not inhale), calories 1500 (excellent), teas 0, coffees 3 (but
made with real coffee beans therefore less cellulite-inducing), total caffeine units
4.

Everything's fine. Am going to get down to 8st 7lb again and free thighs entirely
of cellulite. Certain everything will be all right then. Have embarked on
intensive detoxification program involving no tea no coffee no alcohol no white
flour no milk and what was it? Oh well. No fish, maybe. What you have to do is
dry-skin brushing for five minutes every morning, then a fifteen-minute bath

with anticellulite essential oils in it, during which one kneads one's cellulite as
one would dough, followed by massaging more anticellulite oil into the cellulite.