Page 67 - Bridget Jones's Diary - by Helen FIELDING

I didn't say anything to Mum at the time, just said goodbye, then doubled back

and followed her to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Sure enough, I
eventually found her in the perfume department wandering round with the tall
smoothie, spraying her wrists with everything in sight, holding them up to his
face and laughing coquettishly.

Got home to answerphone message from my brother Jamie. Called him
straight away and told him everything.

'Oh, for God's sake Bridge,' he said, roaring with laughter. 'You're so obsessed
with sex if you saw Mum taking communion You'd think she was giving the
Vicar a blow-job. Get any Valentines this year, did you?

'Actually, yes,' I breathed crossly. At which he burst out laughing again, then
said he had to go because he and Becca were off to do Tai Chi in the park.

Sunday 19 February

8st 13 (v.g. but purely through worry), alcohol units 2 (but the Lord's Day),
cigarettes 7, calories 2100.

Called Mum up to confront her about the late-in-life smoothie I saw her with
after our lunch.

'Oh, you must mean Julian,' she trilled.