Page 43 - Unlikely Stories 2

Earl King and his Puppet Thing

“I’ll beat you to a pulp, you meddling little fool!” she shrieked, as
Calamari dodged one of her swooping limbs—but not the other.
The voice of Didjiridu was heard off-stage. “What is it, boss? I’m
coming!”
Calamari made it to the door and shouted, “I’ve decided to let you
marry our Living Doll, Didjiridu. A reward for all your years of service
to me. I really can’t afford a mistress. I can barely afford a wife! Come
on in: she’s all yours!”
With that he dashed out of the laboratory. The Doll, enraged at this
disappearance of her target, crashed around wildly, snarling and
banging on the table and bench. “Arrh-arrh! Where did he go? Let me
at him! I’ll tear him to bits! I’ll pound him into the ground! I’ll shred
him to confetti!”
Didjiridu entered. She paused, mid-rant. “Who are you?” she
demanded in a voice like iron bars being ripped from a concrete wall.
“Me?” gulped the sacrificial stand-in. “I’m Didjiridu. I’m the one
that’s going to marry you. Or are you the one that’s going to marry me?
Or is it that—”
She cut him off. “You? Did you have a part in bringing me to life?
Answer me!”
“Oh, yes, of course! Dr. Calamari just put the pieces together. But I
was the one who went out and selected them, one by one. Sometimes,
if I was lucky and found a matched set, two by two.”
“Oh-ho!” Living Doll advanced menacingly on her suitor.
“And now,” went on the foolish fellow, “Dr. Calamari has given you
to me. I’m the lucky guy who gets to live with you forever. Oh, boy!”
He clapped his hands with glee.
“Forever!” screamed the Doll. “That won’t be long enough for me to
thank you for all that you’ve done for me! Take that! And that!” And
the ostinato bastinado recommenced, the new object of her wrath just
as bewildered and helpless as the old. Didjiridu reeled around the tiny
puppet stage, punch-drunk and moaning, as the curtain fell.
Once the children realized the performance had concluded, they
burst into loud and sustained whistling, cheering, and foot-stamping.
Their parents and mentors joined in with polite but audible hand-
clapping. Earl King and his Puppet Thing acknowledged the applause,
bowing slightly. He noted, with sour satisfaction, that, as usual, the
adults had missed the point.

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