Page 50 - Effable Encounters

Good and Dead
(Fantastic Transactions 3, 2006)

“Testing. One, two, three. Do you read me?”
“What?”
“Ah, there you are. Seems as if you’ve come through in one piece.
Can you think clearly?”
“I think I don’t know what’s going on. Where are you?”
“Closer than you can imagine and farther away than you could
perceive. But no more figures of speech: you want to figure out how
we’re speaking.”
“That’s right. I’m not really seeing or hearing anything. Am I in
hospital?”
“Not unless you’re in transit to the morgue. You died, and not
long ago.”
“That’s not funny. Obviously you’re not a doctor or a comedian.
Who are you?”
“But I am a doctor: Robin Feinfedder, PhD. Have you not heard
of me?”
“No. Should I have?”
“No, perhaps not. I keep hoping my invention one day will be
discovered and my name publicized.”
“Now, wait a minute. I know I was hiking out in the Shinbark
Mountains alone, got lost and came upon a cave entrance. It was
getting late in the afternoon, so I went inside for shelter. Yes, that’s
it: I slipped and fell into a sinkhole. I must be pretty badly banged
up.”
“Terminally,” replied Feinfedder. “And I don’t think your body
will be found for a long time. I left the exmentator in another part of
that cave, but you were well within its range. In fact, you’re only the
eighth person to have that honor—not counting me, of course. But I
died there intentionally; the rest by misadventure—you, for
example—or the result of chronic disease.”
“All right. That’s enough. My name is Robert O. Link. I am forty-
three years of age. I reside at 5907 Catahonkas Court in South
Finster. My telephone number is (640) 552-9783. You must notify my

49