Page 24 - Tales the Maggid Never Told Me

Comet Klenzer

Klenzer began laughing or crying, then swallowed whatever
was struggling up out of his throat. “Do you really believe in the
prophecies of Revelations? Is all the fire and brimstone of
apocalyptic millenarianism that I have heard you present so
eloquently on the airwaves a sham and a pretense? All the little old
ladies and uneducated rednecks who send you their hard-earned
money—are they being hoaxed?”
“What! How dare you insinuate that? If there’s anyone
involved with a hoax in this room, it isn’t me. Scripture is the source
of my belief, not some smudge on a nonexistent photograph!”
Brother Daniel shrugged. “It’s a moot point. Either or both of us
could be in it just for personal gain, subscribing to no particular
world-view but cynical selfishness. Your signs and portents announce
the scourge of God; mine the inevitability of Newtonian physics. If
we work together, we can arouse the fears rampant in this ignorant
and superstitious age to a new high, raking in contributions neither of
us could get if we compete for the same market. With lower
overhead, the effect will be synergistic. But we haven’t much time—
literally. We don’t have to like each other, don’t even have to
acknowledge publicly that we are in business together. Let me assure
you, Reverend Blood: this is far better than getting into a name-
calling, mud-slinging feud which the press will love and our
supporters hate. What do you say?”
“I say I’d rather die than be associated with you.” Drew Blood
stood up in a huff and took three paces toward the door. “But, ah,
just to satisfy my curiosity, exactly what are you planning to do?—to
prepare for the worst, as you put it.”
“I’m afraid only the chosen few in my inner circle know the
answer to that, Reverend Blood. You may imagine what level of
donation that implies. Let me simply say that seating on an ark is
always limited. Of course, if you are quite certain that God will be
resurrecting you immediately after the comet disrupts the terrestrial
biosphere and wipes out most of the existing plant and animal
species, then you will not need a ticket for what promises to be a very
bumpy ride. Good day to you, Reverend, and please make an
appointment before you call again.”

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