Page 97 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Fifteen

this crazy evening got even crazier. I draw the heavy blue velvet
curtains and dim the lights. My mind is still whirling. What
exactly was all that? Does Cowboy’s wife have any idea what a rat
he is? She is such a nice lady. And he is such a creep!
I would love to talk with someone about this. But I can’t
even think of telling anyone! I could never just do that. I’m way
too scared. Nope, I’m not going there. I just can’t. I can’t tell
Mom, not now with her being ill, and I especially cannot tell
Mike. He’d go crazy on the guy! No, I just can’t tell anyone. I
mean, Cowboy is our neighbour. He lives across the street from
us. He’s Kojak! Who would believe me?
I guess I’ll just have to keep his dirty little secret to myself.
That’s the best thing. That’s the only thing I can do.
I search through their record collection and choose an
album with the most attractive cover; a beautiful black woman
dressed in a sexy gown. I love female singers. I’ve never heard
of this one but she sure looks glamourous. I carefully pull the
vinyl disc from its white sleeve and place it on the turntable,
meticulously dropping the needle so as not to make a scratch.
My hands are still a little shaky.
Sinking into the sofa, I allow the music to lull me into a
relaxed state. Shirley Bassey’s voice sweeps over me like a warm
breeze. She sings with such power. Such drama and emotion.
“And I Love You So” is a beautiful song. It touches me deeply.
Whenever I hear music like this it makes me cry.
And so … I let go. I sob into the velvet pillow with all my
might. I sob until I run out of sobs and tiny whimpers are all
I have left. I drain myself of guilt and shame and confusion
and terror. I let it all go until there is nothing left but shallow
breaths and a damp pillow.
I lift my head, wipe my eyes and stare at the fireplace. I am
alone in this nightmare. I will always be alone in this nightmare.

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