Page 6 - Sacred Gift

The sad news is that David died of pneumonia a year and a half later. Most life stories start with birth. My story started years before birth. What has that got to do with self-esteem and my story?
As you might imagine, my mother, Bee, was devastated. Her second son died while still an infant. Worse yet, he died of something that was preventable.
I was born a year after David died to a mother who was emotionally injured. And understandably so. By that time, she had moved from full time mother to the designer, creator and marketer of baby clothes. Specifically, clothes that would keep babies protected in cold weather.
It was one way that she dealt with the guilt of losing my brother.
Who knows? Perhaps had David not died, I wouldn’t be here. Probably true. I owe my existence to David.
On with the story...
Bee was very distant from her third child – me. She couldn’t face losing another son. Best not to get too involved. But it got worse.
I remember giving kittens a bath when I was very young. There was water in the sink and I picked the kittens up and put them in the water.
Bee got very mad and tried to save them from drowning, but it was too late for all but one.
I got her attention, but felt so incredibly useless – not only useless, but evil. Certainly not a person who should be here. That early conscious thought plagued me off and on through my first 17 years... and beyond.
I sucked my thumb until I was ten years old. I didn’t ride a bike until ten either. I was skinny and full of energy, but lonely from the beginning.
As I reached school age, my brother Martin had to get me up, make sure I got breakfast and hustle me off to school. Bee usually slept until about 11. Before school age, I played in in my bedroom until she awoke.
When I was old enough, Martin taught me how to make egg nog with raw eggs so I could feed myself a reasonably healthy breakfast.
Intuition: Your Sacred Gift 3