Page 46 - December 2017

Couples Only
CPD Chaplains Ministry hosts retreat to help police officers strengthen their marriages
n BY LISA ARCELLA
Chicago Police Officer Mark Davis remembers the first time he laid eyes on CPD Chaplain Kimberly Lewis-Davis. “I was on my way to a golf outing and I stopped by her department to pick up my buddy,” explains the 22-year vet who works as an evidence technician. “I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I asked her out for coffee and she said no.” Eventually, Kimberly called Mark, and 15 years and two children later they are still happily married and committed to each other.
However, just because they are living their own version of a fairytale ending doesn’t mean there isn’t the occasional bump in the road. Chaplain Lewis-Davis understands that dedica- tion to the job can sometimes take a toll on a relationship.
So this past Sweetest Day weekend (Oct. 20-22), she orga- nized a couples retreat for women and men on the job. Ten officers and their spouses descended on the Eaglewood Resort in Itasca for three days dedicated to how to make their unions stronger in spite of the pressures that come with working for the Department.
“I was looking at ways we could support marriages,” says Lewis-Davis who has been on the job for 14 years. “A lot of things like rotating days off and the shift changes may not always be conducive when an officer is working eight-and- a-half- to 10-hour days. But it’s important to play as hard as we work. We can’t just consider officers’ work lives. We have to support their home lives because that’s what anchors them. Supporting those relationships is key – it’s everything.”
As part of a police force family, she knows firsthand how the job can be particularly stressful on an individual’s home life.
“Because of the hours and the nature of the job, it can be very challenging,” Lewis-Davis continues. “At one point during our marriage, Mark worked midnights and I worked after- noons, so we were really two ships passing in the night. So we had to really be intentional about spending time together be- cause it’s plausible that couples can grow apart. It can become a roommate situation where we are staying together to pay the bills but not really doing the work to stay married.”
During the retreat weekend, which cost $550 a couple and included the hotel stay and meals, the workshops were built around the popular series “8 Habits of a Successful Marriage.” A U.S. Army chaplain from Washington, D.C. flew in to lead the program and teach the tools for couples to navigate the rough spots.
“It’s about a new way of thinking about a relationship,” Lew- is-Davis assesses. “Instead of you against your spouse in a dis- agreement, it’s about how to have a win-win for both of you.
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Chicago Police O cer Bill Langle and wife Olivia took a weekend away from their two young children to attend a couples retreat that the CPD Chaplains Unit hosted on Sweetest Day.
It’s about thinking about decision-making as a partnership. There are societal pressures. You date, you get married, you have kids. But there’s no real practice to say, ‘Ok we are here and now what?’”
Mark agrees that the weekend was a definite learning expe- rience and presented solutions to have a more successful mar- riage between two partners who are each on the job, as well as best ideas for couples in which only one is an officer.
“Right now, when we have disagreements we stop and say, ‘OK, how do we resolve this so it’s a success for both of us?” he says. “We carry each other. I know that I want to be my wife’s medicine and not her headache. We have already benefited from the retreat. We are looking forward to doing more things as a couple.”
As parents of two toddlers, Officer Bill Langle and wife Ol- ivia welcomed a chance to get away without the kids. But the weekend proved to be part getaway and part working vacation that enabled them to come back home and to the job with a stronger union.
“That was great, but it was also learning how to communi- cate better and build our marriage,” Bill noted. “There is still some homework we need to do. It was also interesting to have other people who can relate to the same stresses we have on