Page 47 - December 2017

the job. Of course, there is the inherent danger but also when you deal with the public all day long, it’s sometimes hard to decompress at home. This helped to understand that, and I would definitely do it again.”
Officer Jon Patterson has been down this road before. He said that he and his wife came through the weekend with ways to maintain a healthy police marriage that will endure beyond the weekend.
“Every year, we make time for extended vacations and short recesses like the couples retreat,” Patterson commented. “We learned again how to use a calendar or journal for scheduling and tracking our relationship activities, and we will continue to use that strategy. “
As the group assembled and had some time to get to know each other, there were some fun ice-breakers so individuals could bond. At that point, participants were not allowed to talk about the job. The ice-breakers began with all spouses having to tell five things each liked about their wife or husband.
“Another one of them, my husband really didn’t want to do at first, but it was so outlandish we just had to jump in,” Lewis-Davis laughs. “We had the ladies put their lipstick on in layers. I said, ‘Really layer it up.’ Someone got a timer out and we said, ‘For 30 seconds, we want you to kiss your spouse on his face and whoever has the most kisses at the end wins.’ We went to work. My husband looked like he had been beat up after that was over.”
One of the lessons focused on developing a mission state- ment for your marriage.
“It’s about a new way of thinking about a relationship. Instead of you against your spouse in a disagreement, it’s about how to have a win-win for both of you.”
Chicago Police Chaplain Kimberly Lewis-Davis
“What do we believe about what we have and what we want to grow into,” added Lewis-Davis, whose role as a chaplain is to come up with various ways to support officers.
The feedback at the end of the weekend, according to Lew- is-Davis, had most couples saying they would like to partici- pate again and were happy that the Department would sup- port such initiatives. She already has a tentative plan to do another retreat on the next Sweetest Day.
“Being married is a challenge for anyone, but by virtue of the training we get as Police Officers we are taught to always be in control,” she continued. “Now you have people who have a commanding presence, so who backs down? Sometimes, we may have to look at how we have been conditioned to think at work and how to disengage at home. You might not always understand how to be vulnerable but it’s important to learn how to be just that.” d
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