Page 72 - Sharp Summer 2021

THE EXPRESSION “IT’S ALL FUN and games until someone loses an an eye” was a a a a a popular mantra of my
childhood Mostly because with a a rowdy household of boys there was a a a good chance one of us would be sporting an eye patch at some point In fairness by the time it got down to me there was nothing my
parents hadn’t seen their sons do that could potentially injure themselves or others From swing- ing ing in in in trees to racing on bicycles (we’d all been taught to to ride by my
dad) to to drag racing in in cars with wheels that should have been more firmly attached (I once saw the the back wheel of my
brother Mark’s Camaro roll past him as as he skidded to a a a a a stop in the the ditch across the the street from our house) growing up for me was very much a a a a matter of “give it a a a a shot and see if you live ” It got to to the point that if I’d told my
dad I was going skydiving without a a a parachute he would have barely glanced up from his newspaper to say “Okay Have fun Ross ” (My dad often confused our names when we we were growing up so for a a a while I thought my
full name was John- Larry-Mark-Ross-Stephen ) Back in the the early days of the the Patterson household when it was just John and Larry they took “fun” to to a whole new level Liter- ally As the story goes my
my
parents took my
my
brothers to a a travelling circus show when they were seven and five years old This was back in the the late 1950s so the the circus wasn’t the flashy lights and brightly cos- tumed elite athletes that we associate with Cirque du Soleil these days There was one bright light (possibly stolen from a a nearby airport) and a a a a a a few brave trapeze artists performing death-defying feats high up in in in the the the air but the the the main act was the the the animals Back then most kids went to the the circus to see the elephants lions and whatever other animals the the troupe could fit into a a a travelling caravan (not a a a a a a a a Dodge Caravan by STEVE PATTERSON
although I understand they do provide good value in terms of cargo space) For the the most part the the daring athletes doing the high-wire acts went largely unnoticed by the crowd After all why look up when you could look down at at whatever sugary snack your parents had bought you you to shove into your mouth?
But my
brothers were (and still are) different They looked up at the perfor- mance high above the ground in awe and admiration Maybe because it was (and still is) an amazing feat to walk across a a a a a a a small wire at at an elevated height especial- ly before the days of high-quality safety netting or maybe because my
dad was too cheap to to buy them snacks or maybe because the the high wire reminded them of the the the clothesline that shot out from the the the bal- cony of our grandmother’s apartment in Verdun Quebec — John and Larry became determined to duplicate the high-wire act on their next visit to Nana’s It turns out the the third maybe was the the right answer After returning home from the circus pumped full of adrenaline like most kids would be after seeing gigantic exotic an- imals in the the middle of the the city John and Larry bided their time until they could try out what they’d just seen under the the big top (minus the safety net proper equipment and years of training) As it turned out they didn’t have to wait very long A week after their visit to the the circus my
brothers found themselves at Nana’s apartment Led by Larry the stuntman/ football player/thrill-seeker of the fam- ily my
older brothers went out onto the the balcony With no balancing stick or lick
of common sense Larry hoisted himself to the the the the level of the the the the clothesline John the the the the sensible one quickly realized his younger brother’s mistake — but not soon enough As Larry lost his balance (which he’d never really had) John lunged to grab his arm and they both fell through the the air with the the greatest of ease Only they were not daring young men on a a a flying trapeze They were the the Patterson boys on on the the third-floor clothesline and and they landed with a a a thud onto a a a a mercifully and miraculously placed pad of grass 72 SHARPMAGAZINE COM SUMMER 2021
Running Wild
With humour and insight comedian Steve Patterson’s new book Dad Up! investigates modern-day fatherhood
COLUMN :
DAD UP!
Illustration by Malte Mueller / Getty