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questions. They can use their attentiveness and their helpfulness to manipulate and control others.
Another Shadow behavior that some Twos have difficulty seeing in themselves is that they exert a subtle form of control. Ex: You must take their advice because it is well intended and it is in your best interest, however your freedom to accept or reject is not really there. It’s a subtle form of manipulation from being over involved with others, ostensibly to help them out, but also to make sure the Two is needed. They can subtly require being kept informed and being kept in the loop about what’s going on.
In Best Self, Twos are nurturing and supportive, they’re empathetic, they’re sensitive, they take a genuine interest in other’s thoughts and ideas. In Shadow they can become over-protective and smothering and make others dependent upon them. Sometimes Twos in Shadow have difficulty in letting people live on their own and grow on their own and
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make their own mistakes. They foster dependence as opposed to inter- dependence.
In Best Self, Twos are highly generous with praise and support, they make people feel wonderful about themselves, and that’s a great feeling. Twos really do have a genuine investment in the people that they support, and they really feel good when the people that they care about succeed.
In Shadow, when praise gets overused or used for a different purpose, for example, to be right, Twos can become a little phony. They can become overly flattering to get people to like them because they know that has worked for them.
Twos in Best Self are good at sensing other people’s needs and what they’re feeling and in Best Self they have an honest, good sense of their own needs. However, when they move into Shadow, when they must feel needed and appreciated, they can be out of touch with their own needs and their own wants and their own feelings because they’re so
engrossed, imbedded in the moment with other people’s emotions that they actually deny their own needs. This is, of course, the Twos myth because the denial of one’s own needs will ultimately for the most part build resentment and conflict. When they don’t feel adequately appreciated, or they feel so over-involved with other people and nobody’s giving them anything back, they can get very angry and bitter and get gossipy and complaining and all of those other things to try to get what it is that they’ve lost touch with.