Page 329 - A Knight of the White Cross

much more gratifying to me than all the honour paid me by the Republic,
and during the long months of my captivity it has recurred to me so

frequently that I have in vain endeavoured to chase it from my thoughts, as
sinful thus to allow myself constantly to think of any woman. Do not

mistake me, Sir Fabricius. I am speaking to you as to a confessor, and just
as I have kept her amulet hidden from all, so is the thought of her a secret I
would not part with for my life. I do not for a moment deceive myself with

the thought that, beyond the fact that her gift has made her feel an interest
in me and my fate, she has any sentiment in the matter: probably, indeed,

she looks back upon the gift as a foolish act of girlish enthusiasm that led
her into making a promise that she now cannot but find unpleasantly
binding; for it is but natural that among the young nobles of her own rank

and country there must be some whom she would see with pleasure
wearing her colours."

Caretto looked at him with some amusement.

"Were you not bound by your vows as a knight of the Order, how would
you feel in the matter?"

"I should feel worse," Gervaise said, without hesitation. "I have oftentimes
thought that over, and I see that it is good for me I am so bound. It does not

decrease my chances, for, as I know, there are no chances; but it renders it
more easy for me to know that it is so."

"But why should you say that you have no chances, Tresham?"

"Because it is easy to see that it is so. I am, save for my commandery and
prospects in the Order, a penniless young knight, without home or estate,

without even a place in my country, and that country not hers. I know that it
is not only sinful, but mad, for me to think so frequently of her, but at least
I am not mad enough to think that I can either win the heart or aspire to the

hand of one who is, you say, so beautiful, and who is, moreover, as I know,
the heiress to wide estates."