Page 319 - EW September 2025 Final

Sundry Musings

Getting an earful

SURESH SUBRAHMANYAN

The handicap of deafness is not in the ear; it is in the mind It is a bit of a mystery why many of us
— Actress and activist Marlee Matlin, who was deaf from become so coy and go into a self-denial
early childhood. mode when asked if there is a problem
ver the past few months, I am being warned and
mildly admonished by my better half that I am with the hearing.
Oprobably suffering from incipient deafness; “Deaf
as a doorpost” being a frequent refrain. Consistent with the special manufacturer’s discount, of Rs.6 lakh (‘We are giv-
stand taken by most people who are ‘accused’ of being hard ing it away really’), German technology made in China; but
of hearing, I am in stout denial mode. “What me, deaf? Why of course. What’s your cut, Doc? It occurred to me that I
don’t you speak clearly instead of mumbling to yourself?” could buy a decent second-hand car with that kind of mon-
To which the good wife’s response is swift. “This morning, ey, but I must concur with my life-partner that a second-
I asked you to bring down the Venetian vase from the top hand car, however decent, will do nothing to improve my
shelf of the kitchen cupboard. And what have I got? The hearing. Assuming always that I do have a hearing problem,
medicine box. And not for the first time. We need to consult a point on which I believe the jury is still out.
an ENT specialist.” Shakespeare’s play, Julius Caesar was prescribed as part
Anyhow, I have been successfully, if unwisely, putting off of our school syllabus at the Senior Cambridge level. There
this visit to the ENT practitioner for some time now, but it were many memorable quotes from the play which we keep
seems that the sands of time are running out. The chickens referencing from time to time in conversation and in our
are coming home to roost. The issue was precipitated a few writings. One of the lesser-known quotes, but one that’s
nights ago when my wife asked me if I would like the fan to relevant to the topic under discussion is attributed to Caesar
be put on at the speed of 2. I was probably half asleep as I when he urges Mark Anthony, “Come on my right hand,
replied, “Yes you may switch the lights off, if you wish.” The for this ear is deaf.” When Caesar commands, you move
explanation that I was half asleep carried no conviction. I swiftly to his right hand without making any snide com-
thought she said something about a deaf adder under her ments about his hearing disability — if you knew what was
breath. Tough to pick up verbal nuances when you are just good for you. The great man was already suffering from
about to drop off. epilepsy or ‘the falling sickness.” Clearly, he had just the one
It is a bit of a mystery why many of us become so coy and functioning ear in an age where they had not heard of hear-
go into a self-denial mode when asked if there is a problem ing aids. At Caesar’s funeral, Mark Anthony commences
with the hearing. After saying “What was that again?” and his speech with that immortal line, “Friends, Romans and
sidling up to the person with a “Sorry, didn’t quite catch Countrymen, lend me your ears.” There can be little doubt
that. Those blasted Air Force jets are doing some aerial that the entire citizenry of Rome was all ears.
exercises what with the air show coming up and boy, you Finally, one must accept that there are degrees of deaf-
can’t even hear yourself think. You were saying?” See what ness. If one is stone deaf, he can only be offered sympathy
I mean? and sign language. In Tamil, insensitive kids employ the
Somehow, one doesn’t seem to have this issue with oth- word damaaram, a pejorative suggesting, onomatopoei-
er handicaps. You are quite happy to drone on about your cally, the sound of a loud fire-cracker going off which the
astigmatism, rheumatism, lumbago, not to mention neural- poor afflicted person can barely hear. Speaking for myself, I
gia, osteoporosis and lower back pain coupled with cervical am fully confident that my problem, if indeed there is one, is
spondylosis. Puts me in mind of a delightful episode from but a passing phase. I intend getting my ears dewaxed first.
one of Wodehouse’s short stories. Major General Aylmer After which you can drop a pin, and I guarantee you I will
Bastable is in high dudgeon when one of the toffee-nosed hear it, clear as a bell.
earls at a cure spa mocks him for making a fuss over a mere P.S: Beethoven composed his monumental 9th Sym-
bout of gout. “Snob! Thinks he’s everybody just because he’s phony, and pretty much everything else, when he was pro-
got telangiectasis.” foundly deaf. Chew on that.
All said and done, it looks as if that visit to the ENT chap
is inevitable. He will try and push some new-fangled, state- (Suresh Subrahmanyan is a Bengaluru-based former advertising
of-the-art hearing device at a throwaway price, including professional)

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