Page 30 - The Midnight Library

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Four hours before she decided to die, Nora passed her elderly neighbour, Mr

Banerjee.
Mr Banerjee was eighty-four years old. He was frail but was slightly more
mobile since his hip surger y.
‘It’s terrible out, isn’t it?’

‘Yes,’ mumbled Nora.
He glanced at his flowerbed. ‘ e irises are out, though.’
She looked at the clusters of purple flowers, forcing a smile as she
wondered what possible consolation they could offer.

His eyes were tired, behind their spectacles. He was at his door, fumbling
for keys. A bottle of milk in a carrier bag that seemed too heavy for him. It
was rare to see him out of the house. A house she had visited during her first
month here, to help him set up an online grocer y shop.

‘Oh,’ he said now. ‘I have some good news. I don’t need you to collect my
pills any more. e boy from the chemist has moved nearby and he says he
will drop them off.’
Nora tried to reply but couldn’t get the words out. She nodded instead.

He managed to open the door, then closed it, retreating into his shrine to
his dear dead wife.
at was it. No one needed her. She was superfluous to the universe.
Once inside her flat the silence was louder than noise. e smell of cat

food. A bowl still out for Voltaire, half eaten.
She got herself some water and swallowed two anti-depressants and stared
at the rest of the pills, wondering.
ree hours before she decided to die, her whole being ached with regret ,

as if the despair in her mind was somehow in her torso and limbs too. As if
it had colonised ever y part of her.
It reminded her that ever yone was better off without her. You get near a
black hole and the gravitational pull drags you into its bleak, dark reality.

e thought was like a ceaseless mind-cramp, something too
uncomfortable to bear yet too strong to avoid.
Nora went through her social media. No messages, no comments, no new
followers, no friend requests. She was antimatter, with added self-pity.

She went on Instagram and saw ever yone had worked out how to live,
except her. She posted a rambling update on Facebook, which she didn’t
even really use any more.