Page 132 - e Majalah Nawarean 2023/24

‘All Those Decades Ago’

“Papa! Papa, I want to try that!” she said, as she innocently points at

the cigarette in my mouth. It was snowing that day, the hardest it ever

snowed. Anna, named after the sister of Elsa, from the Frozen movies,

was supposed to have a sister. Thus – the name suggested by their

mother – but her sister didn’t make it. Their mother tried her very best,

but ultimately, it was in vain. Hence, all she had was me – and I’d be

damned if I knew how to properly take care of a child. “No, you can’t.” I

replied, “But me want!”. I am a manager at a soulless company. The

only reason I still work there is because it pays well. I wish I could

handle children as much as I can adults – but it seems impossible.

Every objection I proposed when it comes to adults, were heard and

respected – but this child, my own offspring – wouldn’t – with her

broken English and all. “I said no. This thing is bad for you” “Then why

is papa eating it?” she adorably asked. “I’m not eating it.” “Then why is

it in papa’s mouth?” “Uh, I’m tasting it.” “Then I want to taste it too!”

“No, you can’t. Listen to me, okay, Anna?” “No! I want to try what

papa’s trying!” at that moment, my heart melted. This little human –

tightly hugging my leg – is the sole reason my life hasn’t completely

crumbled yet. She is my responsibility after all, and only mine. “How

about I get you some chocolate ice-cream?” “Yes please!” she replied. I

thought of myself as a complete deadbeat. I was smoking in front of

my own daughter. Despite my one-sided-love of that nicotine-filled

stick, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she never touches

one.
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