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darim (90b). This “confession” may be a tactic to become unattractive ed because you violated the prohibition of “Do not put a stumbling
to her husband, so he should divorce her willingly and she will be able block before a blind man.” Rashi explains, (s.v. deka avar) that since
to marry the other man. the son is an adult, his father’s rebuke may lead him to sin of rejecting
However, since the physician is not permitted to reveal informa- or rebelling against his father’s will.
tion about his patients, it seems unlikely that a woman would try to The Chochmas Adam adds (Rule 172, 37:17) that one who hits his
attain a divorce by “confessing” her sin to a physician. Therefore, if the adult son from the age 18 to age 24 violates “Do not put a stumbling
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physician feels that she speaks the truth, he has to use the methods block before a blind man,” so he is excommunicated. The Tosfos Ri
we mentioned in order to inform her husband. He should start with Hazaken (Kiddushin 30) explains that this applies only if he hits him
the simpler ways of dealing with the issue - the first being to write an repeatedly, instilling in him an evil inclination and causing him to sin.
anonymous letter to her husband. If this does not work, he should Rashi (on Devarim 1:3) says: Yaakov did not rebuke his sons except
tell her that he will reveal her secret to her husband or to the wife of close to his death. He said to Reuven, I did not rebuke you all these
the man in contact with her, or he should do as Dr. A. Goldschmidt years, so that you should not leave me and attach yourself to Eisav my
instructed. brother.
In Karyana De’igarta (Part 1, Iggeres 60) the Steipler zt”l writes
He should also know that sometimes a woman has delusions.
Once, a woman had the delusion that the famed Noda Biyehudah that it is appropriate to share the child’s struggles with his parents.
was her husband, since she had secretly longed for a Torah scholar He writes as follows:
with a distinguished reputation all her life. As a result she then had Dear and honored bachur etc. Your letter reached me. This
another delusion that brought her to the synagogue every day, to feel is not the way at all, to bury all your worries in your heart
and see the beauty and glory of the Noda Biyehudah and his pleasant and not to tell your parents. It seems to you that your
countenance. She saw him in her imagination all the time and told intention is good, not to pain your parents. In truth, you
her friends that he was her husband… Perhaps, in our case, as well, are hurting them without limit, more and more. Parents
the woman is having delusions.
have sharp vision, and recognize that something weighs
However, as stated, if the story seems to be true one should do as heavily on their son’s heart and he is depressed. This pain
above. is exacerbated by the knowledge that their son is keeping
If the physician is concerned that by the time he does something, secrets and does not reveal what is in his heart. Ultimately,
the woman will sin, he is obligated to try and put a stop to the rela- the parents will find out the truth, and then they will be
tionship between the man and the woman. Either he himself should very upset. Why did you hide it from us? Why did you not
warn them that they are destroying their lives and that it is forbidden tell us? We would have done everything possible...
for them to continue, for Hashem hates adultery, or he can write them The general rule is that one should tell one’s parents
a letter in the name of a third party, warning them that if they do not everything about oneself, not in an agitated manner but
cut off all contact, their iniquities will be publicized. He should be quietly, patiently, as though it doesn’t pain him so much, so
careful that no one should know what is taking place, and especially they do not become pained due to his pain, but only un-
not the husband of the woman or the wife of the man. Certainly, he derstand the issue so that they could do whatever possible.
should not send the letter to the woman’s house or to the man’s house. In any case, you (the young man) should not be pained
380 1 Medical-HalacHic Responsa of Rav ZilbeRstein Patient reveals sins 2 401
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