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A12 business
Monday 24 october 2022
Millennial Money: Learn — don't run —

from your inner critic

By LAURA MCMULLEN or pick up any knowledge too hard, she says it's fine
of NerdWallet about investing. So you to write or talk about your
I can be so mean to my- continue feeling like you'll feelings later.
self. My inner critic roasts never understand it. One way to do so is by
my actions like a political This kind of spiral reinforces scheduling recurring "worry
attack ad, with claims that the initial unhelpful claim, sessions," says Alex Melku-
are cruel, overstated and Bryan-Podvin says. mian, a licensed marriage
often inaccurate. My ad HOW TO IDENTIFY UNHELP- and family therapist and
would assert that I'm stupid FUL SELF-CRITICISM founder of the Financial
with money, bad at deci- To address overly critical Psychology Center in Los
sion-making and a cryba- thinking, you must first rec- Angeles. Dedicate those
by to boot — all endorsed ognize it. The fancy term for times to reflect on the fi-
by yours truly. these thoughts is "cognitive nancial challenges worry-
I'm not the only one talking distortions." In a Harvard ing you and how you tend
trash about myself. Most Medical School article, Dr. to judge yourself about
people face negative self- Peter Grinspoon describes them.
talk at some point, and them as "internal mental fil- Or attach this reflecting
it comes up often in the ters or biases that increase time to an existing habit,
practice of New York City- our misery, fuel our anxi- like your daily walk, Bryan-
based financial therapist ety and make us feel bad Podvin says. Another route:
Aja Evans. Even financial about ourselves." Identify when that inner
therapists serve themselves Or consider this simpler def- voice tends to yell the
harsh burns. "My inner inition of a cognitive dis- loudest and get ahead of
monologue is brutal," Evans tortion, from Bryan-Podvin: it, she says. For example,
says. Personal finance is a "an unhelpful or untruthful if checking your spending
prime topic for inner critics thought." Look for clues to always stresses you out,
to judge, as it can be emo- identify cognitive distor- "maybe five minutes be-
tionally loaded and involve tions. According to the Har- fore you log in to that bud-
major decisions. Learn how vard article, those could in- get app, you spend some
to identify this voice and re- clude labeling, like calling time lovingly challenging
frame its message. yourself a bad saver, and that inner critic," she sug-
WHY YOU SHOULD AC- fortune-telling, like insisting gests. Whether you silently
KNOWLEDGE THIS VOICE you won't ever make much note your feelings, jot them
Internal criticisms can be money. Watch for absolute down or speak them aloud
limiting when they become terms, too, such as "always" to yourself or a friend, Ev-
self-fulfilling prophecies, and "never," Bryan-Podvin ans says, "the key is to be
says Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, says. brutally honest with your-
an Ann Arbor, Michigan- WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR IN- self." Examine what your
based financial therapist NER CRITIC voice says and how you
and author of "The Finan- When it comes to quiet- typically react, as well as
cial Anxiety Solution." For ing these criticisms — or these criticisms' impact on
example, why try to reel in changing any behavior — your life, she says.
your shopping if you've al- Evans says that "building Then brainstorm activi-
ready labeled yourself as awareness and tracking ties that typically get you
an overspender? matters." That's why people "back to a more neutral
Or say your inner voice in- log calories to eat healthier place" when you're over-
sists you'll never understand foods, for example, and whelmed, she says. Per-
investing. That statement track spending to save haps jogging outside, call-
could queue the follow- money. ing a buddy or scrolling
ing negative thought loop, Similarly, Evans says that ac- through dog photos tends
Bryan-Podvin says: Be- knowledging unfair claims to make you feel better.
cause you already assume is key to wrangling them. Aim to tap those coping
you can't grasp investing, Perhaps in the moment, mechanisms the next time
maybe you're intimidated you simply say, "There's my your inner monologue gets
by the idea of opening a inner monologue again, the best of you.
retirement account. So you being too harsh," she sug- WAYS TO LEARN FROM
don't set one up or learn to gests. YOUR INNER CRITIC
do so. Then, well, you don't If noting your cognitive "The goal is not to get rid of
have retirement savings distortion in the moment is the inner critic complete-
ly," Melkumian says, add-
ing that doing so would
likely be exhausting — and
fruitless.
Try to contain, rather than
eliminate, the voice, Mel-
kumian says. Think of your
mind as a house and the
critic as your roommate. "It
doesn't have to be sitting
right next to us, talking in
our ear," he says.q