Page 16 - How_Children_Learn_To_Hate_Their_Parents

Parental Rejection Starts Sooner Than You Think
Factor One: The Conflict
High conflict households offer children little opportunity to observe affectionate behavior and psychologically healthy interpersonal problem solving skills between their parents. Parental relationships can erode over long periods of time and children might observe conflict and dismissive attitudes hundreds of times before parents split.
In these households children are witness to parental behaviors which demonstrate poor problem solving, bickering, antagonism, aggression, outright hatred or cool indifference to one another. Physical separation and divorce usher in a new set of problems which continue to play out in front of the children--problems over finances, access time and decision making to name a few.
Children also observe that the way to solve interpersonal problems with someone is to cut them out of your life -- get a divorce. As this becomes the preferred model for solving differences of opinion, children learn that if they feel upset or angry with a parent they can create more stability and less distress in their own lives by doing the same thing.
From the child's point of view: "Why should I have to deal with the confusion and inconvenience of two parents when I can cut out one and worry less."
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