Page 32 - How_Children_Learn_To_Hate_Their_Parents

The answer to all of these questions is "yes." The preferred parent launches into full protective mode. This next visitation is missed.
The lawyers start firing missives at one another. The preferred parent will not allow the child to visit until there is an "investigation." Third, fourth, fifth and sixth visits are missed.
What has just happened?
Hypothesis One: The preferred parent is merely protecting the child.
Hypothesis Two: The child is being rewarded for avoiding visitation, not positively as if the preferred parent were giving him cookies to refuse visitation but negatively by being allowed to avoid contact.
Negative reinforcement is reinforcement that comes from being able to escape or avoid an unpleasant situation. The refusal started because the child does not like it as much at the other parents house and just wants the added comfort of the preferred house. The more visits are avoided, the greater the resistance becomes. Other factors intervene. The child knows that when he goes to the non preferred parents house he is going to have to answer a lot of questions including:
Why don't you like it here?
Why did you lie?
What did (the other parent) tell you to say?
This, in turn causes more motivation to avoid another visit like this so the next time the child says he won't go anymore. He never wants to see that parent again.
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