Page 149 - The Intentional Parent

chance that she will be just as stubborn and ornery as she was the last time you spoke with her. If that's the case be sure to make fun of her hair or perfume when you leave the building (but refrain from sharing these comments with your daughter), and move to the second strategy.
The second strategy involves explaining to your daughter that you understand why she has a problem with Mrs. Martin. Share that you had two meetings with Mrs. Martin and felt that she wasn't exactly being overly friendly to you, either. Tell her that, on the other hand, you don't feel as though Mrs. Martin is a terrible person. Go on to say that you meet all kinds of people while you are growing
up—some nice, some not-so-nice—and sometimes you don't have a choice about which ones you have to deal with. Encourage her to share her feelings about Mrs. Martin often, so that she always has a sympathetic ear. Finally, try to involve your daughter in an activity that is supervised by an adult who can appreciate her fine qualities. Kids tend to generalize, and we wouldn't want your daughter to allow herself to think that all of a sudden Mrs. Martin accurately represents how all adults will react to her.
By the way, in this example, Mrs. Martin is not portrayed as an incompetent teacher, just as one who is insensitive to this particular child's personality. You might find yourself stuck with a teacher who is truly mean and is critical and hurtful to your child. If this is the case, your advocacy position must be much stronger. If you feel that your child's teacher is damaging his or her self- esteem, make an appointment to talk with the school principal about it, and don't stop talking about it until you get a satisfactory resolution. Schools will often convey that they don't appreciate parents telling them what to do, but when it is clear that your
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 149