Page 184 - The Intentional Parent

place for you to live was, it was one of the most important decisions that was ever made about you. If it ever seems like the wrong decision, I'm sure we'll think about it again and change it to one that works better for you. Right now, though, this is what is best.”
WHEN A CHILD WANTS TO LIVE WITH THE OTHER PARENT
My twelve-and-a-half-year-old son has been living with me for the past five years. Lately, he has been doing a lot of talking about wanting to live with his father. This is not something he says in anger; it's just something that he really feels he wants to do. His father and I don't really get along, but I'm wondering whether I should let him explore the idea.
A possible change of custody is something that should be handled very delicately. First, it is a good idea to let your son talk out his feelings. What he seems to be saying is that he desires more closeness with his father. Are there other ways of achieving that without a change of custody? Would a change of custody disrupt his life significantly? Would it mean changing neighborhoods? Schools? Friends? Walk your son through all of the different changes that would happen if there were a change of custody. Next, put in a call to his dad, and ask if he is aware that your son feels he would like to spend more time with him. You might even want to arrange a meeting to discuss what the concerns are all around.
Even if everyone agrees that a change of custody is something everyone is willing to consider, before any change is made, arrange to have father and son spend an extended period of time together—say, a few weeks or even a month— before any
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 184