Page 183 - The Intentional Parent

KIDS THREATEN TO LIVE WITH THE OTHER PAREN T
Whenever my seven-year-old son gets mad at me for reprimanding him, he throws a temper tantrum and begins to scream, "I don't have to listen to you. I can go live with Daddy and do whatever I want." Sometimes I just feel like telling him, "Go pack your bags, and I'll call your father," but I am scared to death he will take me up on it. What should I do?
The custodial parent always takes the brunt of the kid's temper tantrums. Inevitably, when tempers run hot, a child will say, "I want to live with Daddy (or Mommy)," or you might even say, "If you don't behave, I'm going to go send you to live with Mommy (or Daddy)." Both statements made in anger are meant to cause fear in the other person, and they usually work. As a parent, you must learn to inhibit the threat of sending the child to live with the other parent. The best reason for doing so is that, in the event your child does have to go live with the other parent, you don't want the child to perceive it as a punishment.
When your child threatens you with moving out, resist the urge to call his or her bluff. Instead, in a very calm voice, tell your child that when he calms down, if he still wants to talk about moving out, you will sit down with him and have a conversation about it. Most times the incident will blow over and your child will forget all about it. If your child does want to have a conversation about it, encourage her to express her feelings. When she is all done, say, "I'm sorry that you're feeling like you don't want to live here right now. I am going to think about what you told me, and if I can come up with anything to make you feel better I'll try my best to do it." Continue by saying, "When we decided where the best
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 183