Page 39 - The Intentional Parent

Substitute “won’t” for “can’t” when kids are really coming after you with a lot of negative emotion, insinuating you are bad, evil,horrible,cheap,tyrannical, etc. (you know, the usual). Do not add “I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry” is a way that parents give up their leadership position.
Say you are sorry when you have done something wrong and when your children deserve an apology. Saying you are sorry is a great thing to model for your children because it models personal responsibility taking. When you say you are sorry for not caving to unreasonable demands (or demands that are reasonable but not practical) what you are saying is, “I’m sorry, but when I am behaving less badly I will give you what you want.”
Step Two: “The Reminder”
“The Reminder” is only required when there is push back after “The Listen.” Children will continue to campaign after a request is rejected. Depending on their temperament and their past history, you might see them “winding up,” in response to your decision. As their energy goes up, yours should go down. The reason for this is that if a child cannot get what she wants, sometimes making you upset is a good enough substitute. You have to show kids that they do not control your feelings (even though they do influence your feelings you can’t give them permission to make you feel bad after you have made a decision they do not like). “The Reminder” sounds like this, delivered in a calm tone, with less energy than your child is being driven by:
“I am still listening but I have already made my decision, and I don’t intend on changing it.”
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 39